


Through It All We Can Mend

by Xyraist



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, angry arguing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 13:39:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 30,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13168077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xyraist/pseuds/Xyraist
Summary: Lithuania and Poland get out their frustrations after years of war and battle, separation and heartbreak to rekindle their love for one another in the process.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is RP that I did from a few years back, and it is extremely special to me. This was started long ago back in 2012-13. We went through having half of the original dialogue deleted and restarting it. This was done one three different posts, and I grew close to the admin of the Feliks account, but now their account is deleted, as was mine. And I was unable to get the last bit of our on-going RP, sadly. But what I do have is a lot. I mean a lot. Over 500 pages of unedited RP dialogue, so by the time I get it into the right format, it'll be a good monster. But editing the dialogue itself is a monumental task, so after the first four chapters, there will be long periods of time before the next update. 
> 
> About this: This is how Chi (Feliks) and I picture how Lithuania and Poland would act after all the years of war and battle on both their parts. Through the separation and heartbreak. They love each other, but have a lot of pent up frustrations.
> 
> So, anyways, rated T for cursing and violence and some sexual content (mostly heavy making out and a little touching, as per the wishes of my partner). There are a few places where they have sex, but it will not be written out. Chi did not want this to be another fic where it their relationship was based on sex. This relationship will be based on deep, unrelenting love for one another.
> 
> I originally had this up on fanfiction, but I thought having it here too would be a good idea. 
> 
> Anyways, to the story now!
> 
> We own the plot and our headcannons, not Hetalia.

This was a difficult situation. A difficult one indeed. The two nations, once former friends stared down each other as if they were in line for a firing squad. They didn't know how they got there, but they were alone. Alone, and extremely tense. Somehow, they had gotten to the topic of Belarus, and that's what set him off.

"Why do you even like her anywayz?" the blond nation snapped. He glared at the teen across from him.

"I'm sorry, I can't help it! You know how I feel about her!" Lithuania said to his counterpart.

Poland just glared and pouted. He never did like the idea of his former partner having feeling for the insane girl. She was related to Russia after all, so of course she was crazy too!

I'm sorry that I like her, okay?"

"Hmph!" This only angered the blond more. He turned his back to the Lithuanian and crossed his arms.

"Feliks...you know that I'm...I'm more into girls..."

The blond sighed and felt awful. He held his face in his hands and shook his head as if he didn't want to believe what he was just told.

"At least it's not Russia I get excited about!" he reminded the other. Poland looked up and frowned.

"Who cares?" he shouted with a few tears in his eyes. He began to mumble. "Not like that bitch is gonna treat you any better..."

However, Lithuania heard him, and he was almost offended. "H-hey! She treated me better than he did! She only broke my bones."

That was the last straw. Poland turned around and blurted out what he thought. "SHE'S HOLDING BACK ‘CAUSE RUSSIA LIKES YOU AND SHE DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN! GET IT?"

After a few tense moments of silence, he covered his mouth, realizing what he had said. He didn't mean to say that! Or did he finally gather enough courage to say what everyone else saw except the blind Lithuanian?

Toris blinked slowly. It took him a few seconds to comprehend what Feliks had said, but once he realized, his eyes went wide as saucers. Did Feliks just say that to him? He couldn't believe it; the blond **had** to be lying to him! " _K-ką_  [what]!"

"..u-um...I...meant...um..." Words just couldn't form in his throat.

"Feliks..." Toris turned away and sighed heavily. He stared at the wall with a blank expression, becoming quite depressed as the reality of Feliks' words settled in the root of his brain. "I guess...you're right now that I think about it..."

Poland stared at his feet, unsure of what to do. He was beginning to feel bad now, but there was no denying the truth any longer...

"I should have known that Miss Belarus didn't like me...s-she's always been found of Russia, h-hasn't she...?"

"...L-Liet...I-I...um..."

Toris turned around and glared at the Pole. He sounded ticked as he spoke. "What, Feliks?"

Feliks had tried to reach out to the other, to try and make it all right again. But after Toris had snapped at him like that, he retreated that hand and looked back down at the floor. "...you're mad at me now...guess I, like...kinda deserve that..."

"No, I'm not mad...I'm just upset...I'm upset." The Lithuanian sighed and sat on the balls of his feet, curling up into himself.

The blond watched, not quite sure of what he should do. He was the one who had started this chain reaction, but he didn't know if he could help the situation. So, he just stood there, feeling incredibly guilty. "...Liet... _p-przyko m_ -!" He sighed, saying sorry wasn't going to help this situation any!

"I know you're sorry...you're always sorry for something or another..."

That hurt him. That was a low blow to the blond. "...Wh-..? h-how could-..!"

But he had to admit defeat since he couldn't argue against the brunet's point. He had always been reckless and made one too many mistakes to clear.

Upon hearing Feliks starting but never finishing his argument, Toris sighed and then looked over to the other. "Feliks...I hate this...why do you have to be right about Miss Belarus not liking me and Russia being the one who does? I don't want him to like me..."

"...not...not like I'm  **happy** about that...w-wouldn't you rather like, find out from me than  **her**? I mean...I-I'm your bes-...!b-best friend...I'm supposed to look out for you ‘n’ stuff, aren't I?" It was painful for him to get that out. He didn't even know if he still held that title with the Lithuanian anymore.

Said Lithuanian nodded at his words and began to think. Then something in his mind clicked. "'Best friend'...'look out for me and stuff'...then where were you when it mattered?"

"...what? w-what are you talking about? " he asked, thoroughly confused at the other's almost harsh tone.

"Where were you when Russia decided to use me?" Lithuania asked, disdain lacing his voice. "Out with your ponies probably!"

"W-...What? How could you say that?" Feliks was outraged, offended even! "I didn't know that was going to happen, I tried to get you back! But being split between three nations makes it hard for me have any power at all! And when I did finally manage to get strong enough to take you back, you turned me away! What was I supposed to do, Liet? What would YOU have done if you were me?"

"Maybe I wouldn't have been so completely selfish all the time! Or run my big mouth like you always did! Or maybe at that time it didn't matter anymore. I was already broken anyways...and nothing can change that now. I'm a useless servant to that...that monster!"

He had choked back a sob, but he didn't want Feliks to see that. He didn't want to show weakness, not now when he could finally get retribution for all that had happened. It could have been his only chance to get even with the blond.

Feliks, on the other hand, showed his emotions. And right now he was hurt at what Toris had said. He clenched his fists and shook with anger. "I-...I couldn't do ANYTHING! H-How can you blame this on me? How am I supposed to help my people who are being suppressed while I'm getting tossed around like Europe's Ping-Pong ball? I wish I could've helped, but I couldn't do anything! It wasn't my fault! It wasn't!"

"You could have helped it, like right when Russia decided to take me away from our union. You know...when you could have done something about it...but no, you just stayed there and didn't give a damn!"

"I was beaten, defeated, finished! I couldn't do any good, for all we know, I coulda even made it worse! But why are you pinning all the blame on me, huh? Like I'm the only one? You wanna play like that? FINE!" Poland's eyes glowed with a renewed energy. He was going to fight fire with fire. Well, hurtful words against hurtful words.

"Where were YOU when I needed YOU the most, Mr. Former-Soviet? Well? Did Vilnius make you so mad that it was worth watching me get brutally beaten with no aid from anybody?"

Lithuania gave a low growl. He hated it when people pointed out he had belonged to that awful Soviet Union, and then he had to go and mention another sore subject.

"Don't ever mention those again, Feliks, or I swear I will—!" He clenched his fists and gritted his teeth in order to keep calm. It only partially worked. "You weren't there for me, so why should I have bothered to be there for you? Talk's about fair play! No one aided us Baltics! We were forcibly taken back by Russia with unauthorized occupations and Sovietlization!"

Feliks stomped his foot down on the floor hard. "You're wrong! At least I tried! I tried to help you, I tried to restore what we had! I couldn't do anything, don't you get it? Prussia Russia AND Austria had me and as soon as I got out, I was in even deeper! It's not easy constantly restoring your nation back to the way it was!

"And you were supposed to be my best friend! You stabbed me in the back, the moment I needed it to survive; you couldn't even TRY to help! You knew what was going on, how could you possibly have had the heart to just ignore it?"

"We could never have that back, Feliks. Don't you get it? We can  **never**  be the commonwealth again! Back in the 15th century, it was perfectly fine, but now! Now we have to think of what's best for everyone or else they'll accuse us of trying to be a superpower like the...the Soviet...U-union..."

He gulped and buried his face in his hands. He hated reminding him of the union. But he quickly pushed it to the back of his mind and looked back up to Feliks, looking at the nation that wronged him. "And who stabbed who first? Huh? You  **invaded**  me...you took my land  **by force**! You were no better than he was! All you wanted was my land..."

Feliks' eyes widened in shock. Did Lithuania just say that? "SHUT UP! I'm  **nothing**  like him! If I fight, I fight for what's right! I'm not as selfish as I used to be, got that? And you're wrong, I don't care about your land! My boss decided to take it because it was mostly Polish citizens living there! It's not as if I enjoy fighting with my best friend!

"And who gives a damn about the Soviet Union? It's over! It'll never happen again! It was Russia's fault, not mine! All I want back is you, not god damned land or government or any of that!" Surely, he would understand that, right? Surely, he could realize how much he meant to the Polish man.

It apparently didn't work. It only seemed to anger him more it seemed. Lithuania stood up from his spot and charged at Feliks, grabbing his shirt collar and shaking him violently to get his points across. "So, just because there was Polish citizens in my capital, that makes it right for your boss to want to take my land? That was my capital; it was my heart, Feliks! My government had to move because of that, you know! They were angry with me for not being able to control what my so-called friend was doing! You don't care about me, Feliks...I know you don't because you would have tried to stop all of that before it was too late. But you didn't. You just watched."

Poland shivered and gripped at the brunet's wrists tightly for security. Toris was shaking him hard after all, but that was no excuse to let him push him around. He had to get Toris to see...to see the truth behind his actions back then.

"Why won't you listen? I did try! I tried to free you and I wasn't strong enough! I had to free my people first before getting ahead, or I'd have disappeared by now! You call me selfish, but LISTEN TO YOURSELF! You're so paranoid and introverted; you don't realize how lucky you got! Do you know what I've been through? Do you even care? All you had was Russia; I had Russia, Austria, Prussia, and Germany, half of Europe at my neck! Open your eyes; there are people that had it worse!"

Toris stopped shaking the blond, but still held him up by the collar. He whispered harshly, almost bitterly, "You didn't have to live with Russia twenty-four-seven, you didn't have to be there when he was angry or drunk. And honestly, how bad could Austria have been? He's not a real fighter; Hungary was his fighter. And what did little Prussia do? Bore you to death on how awesome he was? The only ones that could have done any harm would be Germany and Russia."

His voice then returned to its normal pitch. "I may not have had it as bad as some counties, but I deserve to be a little selfish sometimes! I had to deal with you and all your pushy needs and wants when we lived in the same house after all. I let you get away with so much back then; I'm surprised I didn't go insane from it all."

He dropped Poland to a heap on the floor, not caring whatsoever if he got hurt. He was past the point of being kind and caring. It was high time he had some kind of power again.

"AH!" Poland gasped as he fell to the floor. He stayed there; he didn't even want to look at his friend right now. No, all he wanted to do right now was hide the fact that Toris' words cut him deep within his heart. But he had to come up with the strength to retort. It was harder than it sounded.

"...I never said you didn't have it rough...but you'd have to be stupid to think that Auschwitz and Nazi rule was BETTER than the Soviet Union! You can't even imagine how bad that was! Nothing Russia has done could even compare! Do you even care that your best friend was unsuccessfully MURDERED hundreds of times? No, wait. I forgot. You’re not my best friend, are you? I should've known... I should've known the moment you said you hated me that I would never mean anything to you! Do you hate me so much that you don't care if I die? Then tell me, _Litwa_ [Lithuania], why would you care so much, whether I tried to help you or not? Why should it matter if you were just  **pretending**  to be happy? HUH?"

Lithuania was offended. He didn't know what had offended him, whether it was the best friend comment, accusing him that he thought Nazi rule was better, or the fact that Feliks had called him by his Polish country name instead of the nickname he was given long ago. Whatever it was, Lithuania was going to set the record straight.

"I never said that...I  **never**  said that the Nazis were better than the Soviets. They executed millions of my people—they weren't even sent to camps, they were just shot on the spot. At least you can't die...none of us can die unless our countries fail...but of course that wouldn't be a problem for you, Mr. Phoenix...raising above everything and being all happy-go-lucky while my county has the highest suicide rates..."

Toris yelled in frustration and pulled at his brown hair. This was making him go crazy. He walked over to the nearest wall and placed his forehead against the cool surface and then he began to laugh hysterically. The sudden laughter made Poland look up. "You wanted to know why I had wanted you to help me,  _Pol'sha_ [Poland]?" He used the Russian form of his name to get Feliks' attention. "You really want to? It was so I could know that you still cared about me, you were my partner for so long and then it all changed. So I would know I still had an alley I could rely on...but you let me down the day you attacked me..."

Feliks clenched his fists, truly enraged now. That was it! No more Mr. Nice Polish teen! He stood up abruptly and practically charged at the unsuspecting Lithuanian. He made Toris face him, and then he smacked the other right across the face with tears betraying his own furious expression. "DO I LOOK HAPPY TO YOU? DO YOU THINK UPHOLDING THAT IS  **EASY**? I GAVE IT MY ALL TO FIGHT AND I STILL LOST! SEVEN HUNDRED AND TWENTY PEOPLE KILLED IN ONE OF SEVERAL BATTLES, MILLIONS LOST IN THE CAMPS, HUNDREDS STARVED AND BEATEN TO DEATH  **OUTSIDE**  OF THE CAMPS!

"You," he said bitterly while jabbing his finger against Toris' chest, "you were still wanted. Me? I was an object! The goal was to exterminate my entire nation down to the last baby! They burned in a pit of fire and I saw it with my own eyes! I will NEVER forget that! Helpless babies, children, elderly, expecting mothers, loving families ripped away from each other just so the few survivors could discover that the ones they loved were KILLED a long time ago! Suicide? HAH! That just proves how much better you've got it! You don't know how lucky you are to be alive because you can abuse it all you want!

"HOW can you have the nerve to say that I’M the traitor? And in case you forgot, I didn't just  **attack** you like some savage! I gave you an offer to join me, so we'd stand a better chance in the war! You refused, and my boss ordered me to take it! Well now just LOOK how much "better" we are thanks to that!" He was short of breath now after yelling so much, trying to bring the truth to Lithuania's seemingly deaf ears. He turned his back to the brunet, infuriated beyond all comprehension.

Toris had held his reddening cheek while he listened to Poland's little 'rant.' He had seriously debated whether to question the Polish teen's strength, he wanted to ask where he learned how to hit like a girl, but refrained. He then spoke calmly, almost methodically. "It was a war, Feliks...or maybe you just forgot how to fight...You do whatever it takes to win a fight. Even if that means killing the innocent in the process."

He then grabbed Feliks' collar and forcibly pushed him up against the wall. "It was every man for himself in those times...wouldn't you agree? I had just gotten free of the Russian Empire, and I wanted to be independent...not be tied down again, especially to you again. So, sorry if I turned down that offer, but you still didn't need to attack me. It was pointless...but I think the real reason you had no trouble at all doing it was because you had just wanted to get back at me for not coming to you as soon as I had left his house..."

The blond's eyes widened in shock. Toris really just said that! How dare he try to defend the actions of Nazis! He began to struggle in Lithuania's grip, kicking and screaming. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO JUSTIFY MURDER? It wasn't just some stupid war; it was genocide! They had no reason to do it! The only reason they had to kill us was because it was us! Impure, they called us! Scum of the earth! Born to be enslaved and exterminated like BUGS! Justify THAT! Tell me how it was okay to select people at random to head to their death!

"If I HAD forgotten how to fight, I wouldn't have been able to hold them off for three whole days! It's easy for you to say it was nothing, because you were with THEM! FACE IT, you never even saw the camps! Why? Because it's eating away at you that you didn't do ANYTHING! Or was it that you COULDN'T do anything! Maybe it's you that's forgotten how to fight!" Poland's voice sounded just a little more hurt than he meant it to. It was hard for him to accept the fact that Toris had been stripped of his fighting spirit while the testy blond still had plenty of it.

"Well, how do you think I feel having no means of escape or survival? Do you really want to know how I even managed to stay sane? DO YOU? It was because of YOU! Because I convinced myself that if I could survive long enough, maybe you'd at least TRY to help me! Maybe I would get to see you again, I could apologize for everything, and I'd have you to give me comfort! But that didn't work, did it? Because I overestimated what I meant to you! Because now I know that you've NEVER cared for me the way I did for you! you still hate me...and no matter how hard I try, I can't change enough to fix that..."

He bowed his head to hide the tears that were beginning to fall. He did not want to show weakness, and tears were showing weakness in his heart and emotions. But he couldn't do anything about his shivering. That just came naturally whenever he those memories crept into his mind. Toris, however, was becoming very pissed off. He blinked and took in all of what Poland had to say, formulated his response.

"I hate to say this, but it happens. Call me heartless or whatever you'd like, but that was just how it was...the Germans were crazed back then, and no one dared challenged that...not even Russia was stupid enough to make them mad."

Toris threw him back to the ground like a rag doll and loomed over the blond. He was neither happy nor amused at the whole situation and the accusations. "No, I never did see the camps, I'm so sorry about that! I saw the gulags, Siberia, and Russia's basement. You put your trust and hope into the wrong person, obviously. Hmm... Perhaps you would like to see who became the stronger country after all of the wars and killings? Get up and fight me, one-on-one. We'll see who has forgotten how to fight. Come on. I'll even let you go first. Or are you too much of a 'lady' to fight me?"

Poland widened his eyes at Toris' challenge. This felt so wrong, wrong and twisted, like some sort of nightmare he stepped into but couldn't wake up. He clenched his fists to tightly that the palms of his hands began to bleed. If it was a fight the brunet wanted, then he got it. Feliks lunged at the other, punching him squarely in the jaw and stood his ground waiting for another attack.

"How could you be so cold?" he asked. It wasn't like the Lithuanian to be this heartless. Sure, they both had some degree of it back when they conquered others, but it was all gone. "After everything, at the very least,  **I**  never once hurt you intentionally! I was the best partner OR master you've had compared to the others! You have no room to complain!"

The brunet stared him down; and held his jaw to make sure it wasn't broken. "You were not the best I've ever had. If you want to be technical...Alfred was a lot kinder than you ever were to me even though I was his servant for those twenty years. He treated me better than you ever did in our 200 plus years of marriage!"

Toris then grabbed his former partner's hair and yanked him upwards, using his height as an advantage in the fight. He threw the blond across the room and while he was still down, he kicked the nation in the gut.

"GAH-!" Poland began to cough up blood, but never once stopped glaring up at the other. This was going to be fun to tear down that trust in the American Toris seemed to have. "...h-...heh...and now what? does he even remember you? you think he really cared? He sold you back! At least  **I**  can say that I tried to fight! If you think that I did nothing all those years, then you don't know me...I fight for what I want, and sooner or later, I WILL get it! Selfish as it sounds, at very least what I fight for is right!"

He kicked Lithuania in the stomach and sent him across the room. The Lithuanian held his stomach and winced slightly, not wanting to move right away, giving the blond a window in which he could act upon. While he was still down, Poland took that opportunity to get back to his feet and then charged at the other. Despite his stomach hurting from the recent kick, Toris managed to duck the other's charge and caught his footing. Feliks fell flat on his face. He tried to get up, but then Lithuania held him down by putting a knee to his back and pinned his hands down.

"It doesn't matter if Alfred remembers me or not. He at least had the decency to know that us Baltics were not a part of the USSR...we were still considered free countries in his eyes, unlike the rest of the world who forgot that." Then, a thought crossed his mind. Why were they even fighting? He knew that he had gotten angry with the blond and wanted to defend his viewpoints...but what of Feliks? "And what exactly are you fighting for? My love or approval? My forgiveness? Just what do you want that you’re fighting so desperately for?"

Feliks jolted at the sudden question and blushed lightly. He bit his lip and tried to think of how he was to answer that when Toris was ready to  **kill** him at the moment. "...mn-...I-..."

No, he was going to avoid the question all together and retort to the earlier statement. "...y-..you shouldn't make that an argument...I'm not ‘the rest of the world’, I never even saw you as a Baltic state! You were Liet, you were my partner and the only person since Jadwiga's death to ever gain my trust! The only person I could be honest with and vice versa and you KNOW IT! I don't care even half as much about any other nation, allies come and go and I've learned how easy it is for them to betray you! But not you! You I would've never thought would want me to suffer! I thought you were my friend, you saved my life!"

He rolled over and knocked Toris off, and pinned him to the ground by his wrists. Toris had gasped and couldn't believe Feliks just did that. The blond glared straight into the other's eyes, and Toris glared right back. Green eyes glaring at green eyes.

"Yes, I know that, Poland," he said bitterly as if he had heard that argument a hundred and one times. "I know that you were never easy to get open...it took me years to even do that and we lived in the same house in Lublin where I had to learn Polish and conform to your ways in court and to your religion. But even you have to admit, you are the rest of the world, only Eduard and Raivis truly know what it was like in that house...in that situation..."

He sighed and shook his head. "But you wouldn't understand." He pulled his legs in towards his stomach and pushed Feliks away. He forced him to the ground, straddled his stomach, and placed a hand over his throat. He squeezed slightly, but not enough to choke the blond...yet. "It was a lot like just holding your breath and waiting for what would happen next...you didn't know if you would be able to breath or..." He added more pressure to get his next point across. "...if you were going to suffocate."

The other's eyes widened to the point where they were barely even recognizable. His face paled and the tears began to fall without a struggle. He was silent for a long while before he managed to find his voice and talk.

".....to suffocate...h-...hahaha...ha...hahahahaha-" Feliks started to laugh in an almost insane, yet desperate manner. "...you know I used to be able to say I don't know what that feels like! B-But now—hahahahahaha!"

Poland began to shake violently despite his insane laughter, it was the only thing about him that didn't seem like he was screaming or crying instead of laughing. He was almost...smiling as he spoke, a horrible insane smile, spreading across his face. "But now I know! And oh, how I wish I didn't! How I wish I didn't have visions of other people suffocating to DEATH! Or come to think of it, burning too! Or how about hanging? Yes, there was a child who was even LIVING as he hung due to the weight of his body! So many screams! So many people pleading me to make it stop! A-as if I could-...!t-to make it stop!"

The insane smile then turned into an utterly horrified expression. He shook more violently, so much so that he nearly moves from his spot. He covered his eyes with his hands, as if to block the terrible images he had described. He then began to scream and thrash about like a madman. "Make it stop! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT- PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP! STOP! GOD, WHY? WHY? WHY DIDN'T IT STOP? WHY DIDN'T IT EVER STOP?"

He screamed at the top of his lungs, which caused Toris to finally let go of his throat and stand up. He wasn't sure if he should be worried or afraid of how Feliks reacted. He chose neither and instead decided to be snide, thinking that Feliks was just trying to trick him somehow. "You are insane, Feliks...I wouldn't have pegged you as the type that would need to go to an asylum...or maybe you just need a really good therapist...yes, a therapist..."

Feliks' screaming didn't let up, and it was becoming annoying. Toris finally clamped his hand over the blond's mouth, hoping that would make him stop. It didn't help. If anything, if made him thrash harder and try to pry the hand away from his mouth. "I didn't even scream this much when my people were executed by the Germans and Soviets..."

Feliks opened his eyes, but he couldn't see anything, but memories pass through his eyes. He closed them quickly to block them out again, still screaming until his throat his sore, balling up with his hands over his head. Needless to say, that Toris let him. He was greatly disturbed by his inhuman screaming and covered his ears to block out the sound.

"PLEASE! PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!" Feliks begged as he stayed where he was, crying and just a complete mess. "PLEASE, SOMEBODY, HAVE MERCY! HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME GO THROUGH THIS, WHAT KIND OF DEMONS ARE YOU? STOP! STOP! STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP!"

Feliks then lunged forward and clung to Toris' leg. He was unaware of what had happened before, he was just terrified right now of the haunting visions that he was seeing. To him, Toris was still his friend and ally. "Y-you'll make it stop...I know you'll make it stop...you'll help, yes! I can always count on you! I knew you'd come to help...I knew you wouldn't let them get away with this..."

"Poland! Poland, stop! This isn't WWII anymore! Snap out of it!" He grabbed Feliks by his collar and slapped him hard across the face, who in turn began to shiver. The blond was breathing heavily and still shaking as tears fell willingly from his widened eyes. "Wake up, right now!"

It took Feliks a moment to regain his senses. He looked down at his hands and realizes that they were bloody from his fingernails puncturing the skin, and then gave a small, bitter laugh. "...heh...eheh..heh...n-...not again..."

He chocked a little and removed the brunet's hands from his collar, then quickly rushed to the nearest bathroom. Once he was in there, he fell to his knees, gagging at the sickening thoughts playing in his mind. "...I-...I-..mn-!"

Feliks gagged again, though nothing comes out this time, he's simply losing his breath before he can catch it again. Meanwhile, Toris blinked and thought about what he could do in this situation. He had two options, leave, or go check on the blond. He sighed, and for better or worse, he chose the latter and went to see how he was doing. The brunet leaned against the doorway of the bathroom with his arms crossed.

"Poland..." He cringed at the gagging sounds coming from Feliks and felt himself becoming sick to his stomach. " _Divas_ [God]..."

Lithuania walked over to him and started to rub his back slightly. He looked away, however, not wanting to see him if he did become sick.

After a while, Feliks stopped gagging and instead gasped heavily. He fell back to sit and catch the breath he lost. "...I-..." He reached over while shaking and took the other's wrist, only using his fingers, as his hands were completely red from blood. "...I-I'm sorry! I know, I know I was a selfish spoiled brat! I know I didn't have a clue how to treat a partner; I never had anyone be of equal stature! I only knew how to treat those higher ranked or those with less power! ...whatever I did to make you say you hate me, I still can't figure out, but I'm sorry!"

The blond nation removed his hands and covered his eyes with his wrists; he tried to quell the tears that were spilling out by the dozens. "I never wanted to hear that again! I tried to change, I tried to help! I tried to be better than I was, but it's impossible! I couldn't look out for my people and still protect you with the little strength I had! I'm sorry! ...the fact that...it made you h-hate me...makes me so scared..."

Feliks shivered and curled up for protection. He couldn't handle this. The Lithuanian sighed, however, and left him only to come back with washcloths. He dampened one of them and began to wipe up the blood that's on the blond's hands. Toris didn't say anything for a long while until all the blood was cleaned up. While using his own sleeve, he wiped away some of the other's tears stained face.

"There are a lot of reasons why I hated you...most of which you've already said...but it's pointless now, I guess...times have changed...we've been forced to change...it's not at all what it was like back when we ruled Europe...maybe it's for the better that we were broken up...we saw each other's weakness then..."

Feliks had stayed silent until Toris was finished cleaning, then stood up, and walked out of the bathroom and to another room. He collapsed to the ground as soon as he walked through the doorway. And Toris had followed Feliks, shaking his head the whole way, just to make sure he wasn't going to hurt himself.

"...I was so afraid you'd hate me still...I only had nightmares of it...I wish...they could've remained just...nightmares..." He put a hand to his heart and clenched the material of his shirt. "...stubbornly holding on for centuries...and finally broken...just like that...why? Why is my heart always crushed so easily? Why is it that my love will never be real? "

While closing his eyes, he curled up into a shivering, limp ball on the floor, hoping that he could fall asleep and wake up from this nightmare.

"Don't get me wrong, Poland...you're still not in my good graces like you were so long ago..." The brunet sighed and sat down next to the Polish teen's head. He sat with his legs crossed and one elbow propped up a leg and cupped his chin, looking thoughtful for a second before speaking again. "Hmm...Your emotions were always so easy to read...You were like an open book..."

Poland didn't say anything, hoping that eventually he would make all of the pain end and just start over again so he wouldn't have to get hurt. He closed his eyes and mouth in hopes that he could sleep there and then wake up to a better day.

However, it never worked.

Just as he thought, he had no such luck and simply sighed a shaky breath. His tears were nearly dried out, and haven't stopped falling since they began. "...if you know how I feel and still don't care...then go on...say it...say the three little words that'll get me out of your hair forever...say them,...and I can honestly say that you'll never have to deal with me again...say it...

"Whoever said I didn't care about you?" he asked. "I can still care for you even when I don't like you...just like with Russia. I hate him, but I still care if he's hurt or upset...why wouldn't it be any different than with you?"

He leaned over and brushed some of Feliks' blond hair out of his eyes. "You're going to make yourself sick you know...You're worrying more than me right now, and that's saying something, now isn't it?" He stayed there and didn't do anything else. He was still debating whether to just leave him like he apparently wanted.

"...you caring about me isn't worth anything if you don't even like me...so just say it...I know it's true, so why bother trying to hide it? " Poland turned his face away, willing himself not to choke on his words. He clenched his shirt even tighter over his heart. "Say that you hate me...and you'll never hear from me again...no matter what..."

Toris sighed and shook his head. "I won't say it again, Poland. I don't want...I don't want to lose you...even though I may not like you...y-you were still my first...everything really. My first friend, my first marriage...my first love..."

He shook his head to clear his mind. Why was he counteracting himself at a time like this? "I don't...I don't  **want**  to hate you, per say...it's just...years of anger and tension will take its toll on anyone's sanity..."

Feliks gulped lightly at his words and became silent, too shocked by what the other was saying. "... _co_ [what]? " He slowly moved to push himself up from the ground to sit up a bit. Although, he had to admit it was hard to do when his energy was completely zapped. "...I-...I don't understand...you're confusing me, suddenly changing opinions like this, I don't-..."

He shook his head at the idea. "...please tell me...if you-..." He gulped a little and looked away as he spoke again. "...if...you loved me...what changed? I don't understand..."

"Time and my county's own opinion of your country...that's what changed. I'm their nation and I have to do as they say...so if they tell me to revolt, then I have to. If they tell me never to see or talk to a certain nation, then I have to...but...times have changed again, and my boss right now is more...benevolent towards the Polish than other bosses of mine... Easy enough for you to understand?" he asked as he looked at the blond, unable to see his expression and shook his head. "I hope that you did..."

"...Liet..." He sighed and looked to the ground, not wanting to make eye contact with the brunet. "...that's all it takes for you? if you don't listen to me when I say my boss made me attack you, why would you let this be an excuse? You're not just some figure head, you're a person...and the whole reason you and I are struggling is because...is because we don't change as quickly as our people expect...and..."

He bit his lip, trying to find the courage to speak. "...and I don't want years of waiting and fighting and endlessly struggling to get the one thing that makes me happy to go to waste!"

Feliks blushed from his own words, but he kept looking away. The Lithuanian however, looked at him.

"I know it's not a good excuse, but it was the truth...I was under a lot of Communist influence back then..." He sighed and stood up. Then he started to pace around the room to clear his mind of any unwanted feelings and memories. Feliks watched him pace, confused by action. "Okay...I do have to admit...some of that hatred was from my own heart...but for obvious reasons...like Vilnius and the such...but it's our job to try and change as our country needs. It's our job as their country to make them happy."

"B-but that doesn't mean we have to be miserable! If you don't hate me, then th-...there's still room for improvement, right? And I said a hundred times, I'm sorry for that! It was my job; you don't actually think I was  **happy**  to attack you! Of course not! You were my best friend! At least...I thought so...Call me naïve, but I still can't get-..."

He hung his lower, as if to shield his expression with what he was about to say. "...I...I still...can't get over you... _Nie_ [no]...I-...I still-...” He sighed. “I still...l-love you...so much that it's painful right now..." He covered his face with a hand and took a breath. "...sorry..."

While Feliks was speaking, Lithuania slowly came to a stop in his pacing. It took him a moment to let it all sink in. "You...you still love me?" The brunet gulped hard and bit his bottom lip. He was unsure of what to do. So he repeated the previous statement. "You still love me..."

He looked over to the other and then made his way towards Feliks, still trying to wrap his head around it. "Why...why do you still love me? Even after all the hurtful words and what Germany and Russia did for me?"

"...It hurts...it hurts like Hell, I won't lie...but...I can't help it... I've tried to convince myself that it's over, but when I think about what my life would be like without you... I just can't stand it...without you, my life is dark...I'm suppressed by horrible visions and memories and everyday we're struggling against possible conflicts and dangers and-..." He released a breath, trying to calm himself down as he explained further. "...giving up on you would be my breaking point...so...you can say whatever you want...and it'll hurt, but it won't change anything...you remember what I said the first time, don't you? hm...

"'I like, totally don't really care what Liet thinks of me...even if you like, hate me...it totally doesn't change that...that I like you...'...back then, you had no idea  **what**  I meant, and I don't blame you...but maybe now you'll get it..."

Toris nodded slowly as he processed the blond's words. "...I guess I really didn't get it back then...I just thought you were being...well...you...being you and saying stuff you didn't really mean just to confuse me..."

Since he was already so close to Feliks' body, he placed a hand over his heart. He could feel it racing underneath his touch. "Such a delicate thing, isn't it? It clouds all sorts of rational thinking just because of love...it doesn't let us see the dangers that lie ahead..."

"...I guess...Ah,...you like, know I'm ttly bad with words..." He blushed a little and pulled his knees to his chest, his gaze drifting off to the side. "..well...ya know...maybe that's like, a good thing...maybe when you have love, you don't really need rational thinking as much as you did? Doesn't make much sense I guess, but like, ...maybe when you think too much, then it's too easy to see the flaws in stuff...when you could be like, perfectly happy just accepting those flaws in exchange for all the good things...ya know? ah...I'm like, rambling total nonsense, heheh...guess some things never change..."

"Yes, you are still terrible with words..." He laughed at a memory of Feliks trying to be romantic once and it failed because he had gotten so flustered and started rambling instead. "But I think I would rather have a clear mind than a flustered heart...only because I've been through that kind of pain enough..."

He sighed and looked down at Poland with a small frown. "But I know which one you would choose...even if it was the wrong choice and you ended up getting hurt..."

The Polish teen looked up at him for a moment before bringing it back down again. He was unable to deny it. "...I don't want to think too much about everything...it's so easy to see how dark and dangerous the world is when you think about it to no end..." at this he chuckled a little.

"My people can be so happy and never even consider that there's danger within their own country or even their own homes, it's so easy...it's so easy to block the world out and see the bright side to anything and it's smart! It's smart to enjoy the life you have, who knows when you'll lose it~? But I..." his smile slowly faded. "...I can't do that...at least not the way they do...I can't live like that because I'm constantly being reminded of how dark my life really is...and if what you see is someone that's ‘happy-go-lucky’ and completely carefree, then I guess I'm doing a pretty good job of hiding...hm..."

"I guess you are doing a good job...” He sighed. “If only my people could be happier...I would give anything for them to be happy and less...depressed... I don't want them to be like me...it's bad enough that I have to deal with own problems, but adding their just makes mine worse..." Toris sat down across from Feliks and stared at him. "It's almost not fair in a way...why are your people so happy even after all that's happened to them? It's not fair..."

Feliks looked up at the Lithuanian with a slight smile. "The world underestimates my people...they're probably the strongest people you'll ever meet, just because they never stop fighting... Not to brag, but I'm so proud of them...heheh...they know how to live, and their hearts are so big and so loyal that at any moment they'd be ready to die…just for me... That's the reason I've survived everything I've been through...they give it their all, even when we don't stand a chance, I can always depend on them... Ya know...maybe if you'd try to be happy, they'd be a little happier too... 'Forgive, but never forget' that's the promise we live by.

"Maybe if you'd look past previous hardships...you could make peace... Peace is best..." he said with a curt nod, "...peace is always best, it's better to forgive and be forgiven…well...I'm half-way there..." He looked up at the other hopefully.

The other, however, looked nervous as he bit his bottom lip and focused on his hands. "I...I guess so...a-about everything you just said... It's just...it's just so hard to try and look at the bright side of things when there was only darkness surrounding everything...but I know very well how your people are... I have quite a few of them in my country still, as you very well know...they get that strength from you...and you get it from...from fighting for your loved ones..."

Toris just blushed slightly knowing that he was one of those 'loved ones' in Feliks' mind. "But what do I have to be happy for though? Sure my country is doing better and our economy is flourishing...but I'm not happy and I don't know what to do...it just all feels like a black hole that's unavoidable..."

Poland looked away and considered his words carefully this time. After all, he had a horrible habit of ruining moments with his stupid words. He gulped and took a deep breath before turning around to face his maker.

"...I-I-..." He cleared his throat, not realizing this might have been easier thought then done. But he had to say it. "...I know...how you feel...or, well, what you mean, that is. A-And I like, guess I kinda know the feeling, er, something close, but I- ..." he interrupted himself again, this time to laugh a little out of embarrassment for his rambling...again. "...w-what I mean...ugh, _Boże_ [God], you're so hard to talk to..."

He put his head down on his knees for a moment before picking it back up and gathered all his courage he could muster. "...maybe...maybe if...if you'd look past the things that happened between us to hurt our relationship...just, like…long enough to let me try...try to make it up to you somehow..." He kept silent for a moment, thinking it through carefully before speaking again.

"...maybe I could give you a reason to happy again..." His blush darkened and he looked to the lower corner of his eye. He didn't expect a positive response, but he could still be hopeful. Right?

A slight blush appeared on the Lithuanian's face when he realized what Poland was offering. "A...a reason to be happy again..." He began to fidget with his hands again, almost as if he's uncomfortable with the very idea of being happy again. "I don't know if I could, Poland...it's...everything is just so ingrained into my mind that I don't know if I can just...forget everything bad that's ever happened...

"I would love too, I really would...I don't want to be miserable for the rest of my life, but at the same time...I'm afraid to be happy. I'm afraid that if I allow myself to be happy, something...or someone will come and ruin it all for me and I'll be left with noting again like after...like after I lost you the first time..." To this he gave a slight shudder as the memory crept its way back in his mind. He buried his face in his hands and began to shake his head to get rid of the memory and the void that came with it.

Poland's eyes widen slightly with a light tinge of blush painting his cheeks. He hadn't expected Toris to say the last part. "...I-...I know...it's like, hard for me too...I know I can never forget all the horrors I've experienced and-..."

He cut himself off, gulping and shivering. He tried to change the subject to keep the memories out of Toris' mind for a while. "...but...but that doesn't mean that we have to be miserable forever because of it...and, he laughed slightly, almost bitterly at himself, "and it's like, kinda unfair, ya know? I mean, I didn't know you loved me...until…you stopped..."

He lowered his head again and rested his chin on his knees hid his mouth behind his arms. The rest of his face was partially covered by his hair. "...I wish I had...maybe then, things would've been at least a little bit easier..."

"How did you not know? How could you not know that I loved you? Why do you think I fought so hard? It was all because I had someone to protect and that someone was-...was you..." Toris looked away and tried to hide his blush. He sighed in spite of himself for letting that slip out. "But it's too late for that, now isn't it? We'll never know now because that time is long gone, and it won't come back..."

The blond smiled a little at hearing those words that made his heart pound, but then it all deflated. Just like that. Heartbreak again. "...it was because I loved you that I had no idea...you were always so smart and nice and tactical and brave and-...heh...well, in my eyes, perfect...and of course I thought you'd love somebody just as perfect! Hence when you suddenly decided to invade and control Belarus, I can't say I was ecstatic... Let's face it, she's beautiful and graceful and mysterious...and if she weren't insane, she probably WOULD be perfect” He groaned. “…but anywayz...I can't even begin to imagine why you loved me in the first place...you can't love me AND hate me, so now it's just like, confusing!"

"I never said that it would be crystal clear, now did I?" He sighed again and laid down on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. "Hell, I don't even know what I saw in you anymore...you were loud, rude, obnoxious, pushy, and selfish...everything I was too afraid or reserved to be..." He closed his eyes and shook his head. Then he had smiled as he thought of Belarus.

"But Miss Belarus is pretty perfect, isn't she? She's so nice and caring and pretty..." This went on for a while as he listed all her qualities that only he, a truly blind love-struck man, could see. He sighed happily.

Not this again. Anything but this again! Back to the brunet's favorite topic of all times! Feliks had listened for a while before finally having enough of it. He put his head back down, willing himself not to make it apparent that every word, every compliment that Toris gave to that psycho, stung like venom. Eventually he stood and began to walk, but he only made it a little ways before stumbling to his knees. He decided to just stay there this time; he was in too much pain at the moment to even run away.

Then, very quietly, he whispered to himself, trying to get at least one clear thought from his mind, "...you don't get it..."

The Lithuanian, who had still been talking and didn't seem to notice-or cared-that the blond had fallen, stopped when he heard Feliks speak. He then noted that Feliks had moved. "What don't I get, Feliks?" He stood and walked over to Poland and makes the other look at him by grabbing that dainty chin and forced him to look up. His tone of voice was...snarky. "Well? What about this whole thing do I not get, Feliks? I'm just dying to hear it come from your lips..."

Feliks shuddered when he was forced to look up at Lithuania, completely shocked by the gesture and slightly angered. He managed to calm down enough, however, as to not start another fight. That was the last thing he wanted, and by the sound of Lithuania's voice, he was almost at that point. "...why does it matter? you don't understand...you'll never understand...so no matter what I do say you still won't believe me...for someone as smart and tactical as you are, you can be the densest person in the world sometimes..." He forced himself out of the other's grip and looked away. He didn't want another fight. He didn't want to fight with the one he loved, once was enough.

"Well, maybe some of your blond air-headed-ness rubbed off on me! We were together for centuries. Remember? Although I can see none of me wore off of you...since you're still just the same at planning attacks..." He sighed and stood up. "And you're still not good with trying to get a point across..."

Poland leaned against a wall. His energy was zapped, and he was just hoping for this to all end. "...now do you see what I mean? If you think too hard, all you see is flaws...because nothing's perfect..." His voice suddenly became serious and almost monotone.

"Listen carefully. What you call 'air-headed-ness', I call optimism. What you call being 'loud, rude, obnoxious, pushy and selfish', I call finding myself despite being afraid of change. And when you say I haven't changed, I say you aren't looking close enough. Because that's what 'logic' does. It blinds you to what's actually  **important**  and makes you hate every little flaw you find. You know, I'm getting sick of people telling me what's wrong with me. And after a while, you either start to hate yourself or you do your best to prove them wrong. And I'm not one to give up. So there. Did I 'get a point across' now, _Lietuva_ [Lithuania]?

Just as Poland looked away, Toris glared at him slightly. " _Taip_  [yes], you did I guess, or perhaps I am still as blind as you called me. I am a rational thinker who sees the world at face value. You see it through...through the rose-colored glasses you claim to be optimism when it's hindering you from the truth of the matter!"

Lithuania strode over to Feliks, grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and slammed him into the wall. The blond yelped when he was slammed against the wall with tears falling without a struggle or a struggle to stop them. "You haven't changed because if you had, you would learn to give up what feelings you had for me and not hold onto them like a selfish child! Nothing is perfect; perfection does not exist! I hope that you start learning to hate a little, it'll do you some good, and maybe you'll finally see that without some kind of power, no one is going to give a damn about you or what happens to you even!"

"...maybe...if everyone could see through that 'rose colored glass’ then nobody would have to be strong...or powerful...and we could live in peace...why should I care if I'm worth anything? The more I'm wanted, the more I suffer...if nobody cares about me, then nobody will try to hurt me...that's how it goes, if you want love then you have to suffer through hate...but if you hate...then love will make you suffer...that's us right now, isn't it?"

Feliks then thought of something. He thought about how Toris had been acting and how it changed. He spoke softly, as if to not startle the other. "...are you angry because you're scared? Are you scared because I have the loyalty to love you and you don't understand it? I can read you just as easily as you can read me..." He smiled, almost sadly. "But that makes it so much easier to love you, because even when you're trying to hurt me you're giving me hope...because you're confused...I know I still have a chance..." He placed a hand over one of Toris', lightly holding it with the same sad smile.

However, the Lithuanian pulled his hand away quickly from Feliks as if he was burnt by the simple touch. He ended up rubbing that hand as if it really had burnt him and turned away. "If there was no war and only peace, then everything would be just be the bee's knees and we'd all live in the comfort and security of simpler of like the early twenties! But we don't live in those times anymore! That time of peace ended and they're never coming back!"

He then turned back to the blond and pointed an accusing finger at him. He practically yelled, "And you should be glad that people want you, even if it's just for your land. The only person who wants me is Russia! That's just a horrible feeling to know that! It makes me feel disgusting and sick to my stomach! But I guess...judging from what I've learned...you want me as well, don't you?" He put his finger down and come very close to Poland's face, his voice teetering to the side of threatening. "And let's get one thing straight... I am  **not**  scared and I am  **not**  confused! I know where I stand, Poland. I am not an open book and I will be damned if I fall for you yet again!"

Poland felt his heart shatter from Toris' words, but he tried to look in the other's eyes and see the truth. He gained a small smile and a little more courage from what he saw. "...don't lie to me...don't say that just to hurt me and make me give up...you've gotten into a horrible habit of lying, haven't you? to keep yourself safe...be honest...you don't have to be afraid of  **me**  like you are of Russia, so don't lie..."

He reached out and grabbed the brunet's collar firmly in his hands. Toris, started at his accusation, grabbed at his hands tightly, trying to pry them off halfheartedly. But his words did not relent. "Let go of me! I am not lying to you, why would I? I don't have any reason to protect myself. And I have not gotten in habit of lying!"

Finally fed up with the fighting and arguing, Feliks pulled the Lithuanian forward and silenced him with a kiss. It only lasted a moment or two before he let go and stared into his eyes. He looked almost sad or desperate, but he remained calm nevertheless as he stood his ground, but his grip slacked.

Toris was stunned to say the least and didn't move for a while. His mind was still processing what had happened. He finally pulled away from Poland's body and touched where the other had kissed him on the lips. They still tingled from their kiss. Instead of being calm like Feliks, Toris was angered slightly. And it showed in his voice, but there was also a slight quiver to it. "W-what...what the Hell was that for? You don't just go and kiss people at random like that!"

The Polish teen looked down and swallowed. "...you didn't want to listen to me…so...I figured actions would speak louder than words...I had to though...whether you're happy about it or not...at least that much, I had to try...so...do you still think what you did before? or do you actually hate me?" He looked up at the other; no threat in his eyes whatsoever, but simple calmness and almost sadness were present. "...be honest...that's all I'm asking...you can hit me if you want, but say you hate me and I'll be gone..."

Lithuania bit his lip and looked at Feliks, then turned away and began to twist his hands in a nervous matter. He debated with himself and asked himself that same question repeatedly. He was finally fed up of the feeling. He walked over to Feliks and grabbed his collar. "I hope that this answers your question."

Then the Lithuanian pressed their lips together and cupped one of Poland's cheeks. He closed his eyes and relished the moment. Feliks, however, widened his eyes in shock and blushes a dark shade of red. He finally closed his eyes as soon as he processed what had happened and kissed back. He wrapped his arms around Toris' neck for a better reach. After all, he was shorter than the brunet was.

After another moment, Toris pulled back and looked into Poland's eyes. "Are you satisfied now? Have I answered all your questions about where we stand?"

The Pole stared a bit wide-eyed and left slightly confused by the action. But nevertheless, overwhelmed with joy and relief at what just happened. "...L-...Liet..." was all he could manage to say right now as a few tears fell. He buried his face in Toris' shirt and held onto him tightly to not lose him yet.

Toris gulped a little and began to rub Feliks' back to try to comfort him a little. "Are you...are you alright, Feliks? Why are you...why are you crying?"

Feliks talked through his sobbing. "I-...” He gasped for air and sniffled. “I-I thought...after everything...th-that you hated me!” He let out a choked sob. “O-or at least...th-that you would never-“ A gasp, “love me again..." He tightened his grip just barely, crying out of pure relief and built up after all the pain he had felt not moments before. "I-I was so scared...th-that I'd lost you...f-…forever...I can't even imagine how horrible that would be...!"

Lithuania sighed, pulled Feliks away, and looked into those green tear-filled eyes. "Well...you don't have to be afraid anymore then...I...I guess that I could...I could maybe relearn to love you like I did once upon a time...a-and that's all I can offer right now, but it should do for now, right?"

Swallowing a little bit, Poland did his best to be patient and remember that time will eventually bring the two back together. So he nodded with a small smile and wiped the tears from his eyes. " _Tak_ [yes]! I-I can...I can live with that...for a little while...a-and I'll do my best to make things even better...for both our sakes...d _ziękuję...d-dziękuję bardzo_..[thank you...thank you so much]!" He hugged Toris again, wanting to be close to him even if only for just a moment or two. "I love you...so much...I'll do anything to show you that it's real..."

The Lithuanian patted Feliks' back and rested his head on the blond's shoulder. "I know you would do anything, Feliks...you're just that kind of person who will be stubborn and wait until the ends of times...but I guess...in this case it's a good thing."

He closed his eyes as a few tears slipped through and smiled. He was happy to have a chance with the one he loves. Plus, he wasn't shot down or reminded of his flaws. "I can wait...for you, I can wait... _kocham cię_  [I love you]..." Each word got a bit softer, his energy already drained plus all the crying that only added to it.

Toris shifted slightly and then sighed. He was unable to say it back to him yet, but he was able to aid him to a nearby seat and sat down next to him. You look awful when you cry...,” he said with a teasing smile as he wiped away some of the tears. "You're going to have to wait for a long while though...I...I don't want you to own my heart again...n-not right now at least..."

The blond bit his lip, doing his absolute best to be patient for his love. He offered a weak smile as a response. "...I know...you're scared...but I promise...I won't let you get hurt...someday, maybe you'll give me your heart...the way I've given you mine a long time ago...that's worth waiting for...I'll do my best...it'll be painful,...but just knowing that there's a chance, I won't give up...I promise...I'll never give up...on you..."

He closed his eyes slowly, resting them after all the stress they've endured. However, he took hold of Toris' hand, determined not to let him slip away this nodded slowly at his kind words and sighed slightly.

"T-thank you, Feliks...I...I promise that I will try my best to...to l-love...love you..." He looked down at his lap and then placed a hand over Feliks' heart. "So...you gave me your heart a long time ago, you had said? Whatever did I deserve to get that honor?"

The other shrugged, just barely with his eyes still closed. His smile was still a bit weak, but it was still present. "I-...I dunno...I'm not so sure...if it was really anything specific...I just know that...since I fell in love with you, I've lost all hopes of ever loving anybody else...Hm..." He smiled more as he talked. "But I didn't need them...I know who I love...so I can't settle for anyone else..."

Toris blushed at Feliks' statement, not sure if he deserved all the kind words or if they were wasted on him. "I...don't know what to say to that, Feliks...I don't think that I deserve such kind words from you...I...haven't been the best of a friend or lover lately you know..."

"...yeah...I guess anybody else would give up and moved on...

But  _nie_ ,...I couldn't do that...call me selfish or spoiled...but I couldn't settle for any less...I only want you..." He smiled slightly. "So maybe...that's the kind of stubborn loyalty...that you need from a lover...o-or friend..."

He blushed lightly, embarrassed that he had gotten ahead of himself. Of course, Toris wouldn't see him as a lover yet, not this soon after they finally made up. Feliks' words made the Lithuanian blush a dark shade of red and fidgeted slightly.

"You always were stubborn...But I guess...that can lead to good things too...like right now...with all your pushing we're talking to one another, aren't we?" With a sigh, he leaned against the back of the sofa they were on. "But...I do have to admit...it is nice to have my friend back after so long...you were my first friend after all..."

The blond smiled a little and moved in a tiny bit closer, pacing himself as to not suddenly move too fast and ruin everything. " _Tak_...same goes for me... In fact, I can only ever remember being close to a few humans before I met you...even Hungary and I weren't as close back then as we are now...still...it's kind of sad, now that I think about it...that each of my friend's has hurt me or betrayed me...at least just once... I wonder if that's my own fault...Hm..."

"It's just the way of the world when you've been alive for so long...it's always bound to happen...it's the way of the world to want to gain something from others..." He suddenly frowned when he thought back on their friendship and their back and forth betrayals to each other. He quickly shook his head clear of those thoughts. "Again, t-that's just what I think...you know...the pessimist's point of view..."

"Pessimist? Hhm...I would've said realist...but pessimist is okay~ Pessimism is a lot easier to cure than realism is...after all..." He chuckled a tiny bit which lead him cough and inhale deeply after the surprise of it. "...ugh...I let myself get too weak, thank _Boże_ the worst of it came after the fighting..."

With a sigh, he moved a tiny bit closer again, leaning up against Toris' shoulder for support. The Lithuanian, however, tensed up slightly when he felt the other leaning on him. But he forced him relax, telling himself that it was just Feliks and not anyone dangerous.

"You should take better care of yourself then...but then again...I'm in no position to talk...I'm already sore from where you pushed and grabbed me the few times that you did..."

"...was it that hard? I didn't know it would actually hurt, save for the few punches we threw at each other...mn...then again..." he trailed of as he felt around the back of his head, wincing slightly and retreats his hand back when he felt the bruise there, "I...can't really say that slamming into a wall is really enjoyable..."

"Yeah...a-and sorry about throwing you around like a rag doll...I...I was just angry...and it's not often that I can show it...But, um...y-yeah...it's not that you actually did that much damage...it's just old wounds that you hit...so you had kind of an unfair advantage..."

"...I...um...I wouldn't call it unfair...per say..." He placed a hand to his neck in thought. "...I've got quite a few scars of my own...but I like, guess they're not quite as easy to see as yours...besides, every time you got close to my neck, you had a pretty big advantage too..."

Toris raised an eyebrow. "Really now? ...Hmmn..."

He brushed a few fingers around his neck experimentally to see how he would react. He wondered if it was the same kind of reaction he had himself whenever anyone touched his back. His face was blank as he conducted his investigation. "Like this?"

While Toris ran his fingers across his neck, Feliks gasped sharply and shivered from the touch. He blushed and widened his eyes in shock before squeezing them tightly and biting his lower lip. "Mn!"

As soon as Feliks made an audible sound, he pulled his hand away and blushed at Feliks' reaction. "T-that's never h-happened w-when we were together the last time...d-did it?" he asked, his voice shaking from the new discovery.

The blond rubbed over his neck lightly to soothe the feeling, but he was still blushing a dark red.

"...um...well it was like, ...always kinda sensitive...but, since then...it's kinda endured a lot of damage...i-inside and out...it's been better, I can talk now at least~...but I like, kinda think I'm stuck with the damage...p-…probably forever..." He glanced off to the side, still half turned away from Toris.

"O-oh..." Said Lithuanian looked away and sighed. After a few seconds, he looked back at Feliks, a question on the tip of his tongue, but he was afraid of asking. But he had to know. "H-how did that happen? T-the damage that is...was it...d-during WWII?"

Toris gently turned Feliks to face him, cupped the blond’s cheeks, and looked deep into his eyes. "You don't have to tell me the whole story, y-you just need to nod or shake your head i-if it's too painful to say it...Did the damage...happen during the second war?"

Poland paled a little at the thought and swallowed. He averted his already distant-looking eyes. "mn... _t-...tak_...a few causes, actually...one I'd..." He gulped, both his hands and voice just barely shaking, "...r-rather not go into detail about...s-some of it is just...sensitive due to surgery and recovery...so, it's like, not as painful as it used to be..."

He mumbled silently to himself as a little reminder to how much pain he really went though. "At least the burning is finally gone..."

With a slight nod, Toris brought Feliks closer to him and had the blond rest his pretty head on his chest. Lithuania gently stroked the top portion of his hair, too afraid to go anywhere near that sensitive neck again.

Feliks, on the other hand, blushed lightly. He felt warmth and comfort from Toris' gestures spreading throughout his entire body, making him cling to the brunet though just barely holding on at the same time.

"It's fine...you don't have to ever talk about it, okay? Not if it makes you feel uncomfortable." Toris sighed heavily and kissed his head, trying to be as gentle as he could. Anything more than that and he felt like he could break Feliks like a piece of fragile glass. "You're welcome, Feliks..."

The blond looked up and smiled just slightly, leaning hesitantly, in fear of being rejected, to give the other a soft kiss on his cheek as a silent 'thank you' then pulled away and looked off to the side again nervously. Toris closed his eyes tightly when Feliks gave him that small kiss, but didn't do or say anything about it and looked off as well. He began to fidget with his hands to take his mind off the uncomfortable silence that had befallen.

He glanced at Toris quickly and then away again. Now he was slightly embarrassed for what he did, thinking that it was a stupid idea. "

"...ah-..." He fidgeted a little as he tried to find his voice. "... _p-..przyko mi_  [I'm sorry]..."

"I-it's okay...I-I just...need to g-get used to it...y-you're a touchy-feely k-kind of person, t-that much I remember...but you know that it'll take me a while to get use to all of this again..."

Feliks nodded a little, still avoiding looking up since he was embarrassed to be risking that. "...hm...you're like, stuttering more than normal...you okay? "

"A-am I?” he asked then bit his bottom lip when he noticed the stutter just then. He looked around nervously to get his mind off it. "I guess that I am...b-but I am fine. I really am...it's just that...the whole situation is a little weird for me after being away from you for so long..."

Feliks fidgeted and backed away a little to give the brunet some space. He blushed slightly and hoped that he wasn't' being a nuisance in any way. "...u-um..." He was going to say something, but shut his mouth quickly and looked away again, too shy to speak now.

Lithuania sighed and turned towards him. "Are we just going to be awkward around each other now or what?"

The other jolted a little, not really expecting Toris to speak. He turned around to see him slightly flustered. "O-oh...I-I like...just don't really want to like...um...I-I don't know what I should..." He shyly fidgeted with his blond hair.

"And neither do I...like I said...it has been a long time since we've even talked..."

"... _tak_..." He sighed and thought for a few moments, going back on all the previous events in the past few minutes in his mind. He became a bit envious when remembering all the sweet things Toris had said about Natalia, even though nine-tenths of it was only in his mind. "...hm..."

Toris watched his face, looking for any change and sees that he becomes slightly annoyed, or even mad. "I-is there something that you want to do or something? O-or want me to do...?"

"..Hm?" Feliks snapped out of his thoughts and turned to him. He shook his head with a somewhat forced smile. "O-oh... _nie_ , it's like, nothing...or, well...nothing you can really... help with...I think..."

"Well, humor me at least." Toris looked at Feliks with a serious expression and held the blond's hand slightly, hoping that that little token of affection would get him to talk.

Feliks glanced at him and felt his face heat up considerably. With a sigh, he turned away, afraid of the response he'll get with this. "...I-...I was just like...thinking back on what you were saying...a-...um...a-about...her..."

"O-oh...M-Miss Belarus..." he said with a blush and then sighed. “Were you...are you jealous or s-something? I'm sorry that I like her, okay? Don't tell me that I am honestly the only one you ever loved..."

Feliks did not respond, pulling his knees up and hugging his knees to his chest. He rested his chin just behind them and covered anything that his hair didn't already.

" . . . Alright...I won't say it then...go on...please, continue your fantasizing..." he said in a non-teasing or offensive tone, but rather just very quiet and mumbled.

"Feliks..." he sighed and shook his head. “ _Dievas_...I was, wasn't I?” He bit his lip and waited for the answer.

"...don't...don't act like it's pathetic...I've heard that enough, but it's-...i-it's not like I haven't  **tried**  to get over you...I...I just...” A sigh. “I guess I need you a lot more than you ever needed me...figures..."

He lowered his head a bit further down. Toris sighed, got up to move in front of the quiet blond, and knelt down on the floor. "...I won't call you pathetic, Feliks. I know how it feels to love someone and not have that love returned...obviously...but...it's not pathetic. It's kind of..." he paused, tried to think of the right word, and smiled when he thought of it, "...endearing. Yes, endearing is the right word. "

He held onto Feliks' hand and gently rubbed them with his thumbs. Feliks looked down at him for a while, feeling tears that started to build up inside him slip from his eyes. He slid down carefully from the couch to sit in front of Toris and hugged him tightly; his shoulders shaking just barely as he struggled desperately not to cry aloud or look like a baby. Toris hugged him back tightly and rubbed his back trying to soothe him.

"You can cry if you want to, Feliks...I know that you're not very good at keeping your emotions all bottled up like this...go ahead and let me be a shoulder for you to cry on...like I should have been through all these years..."

All at once, Feliks started to sob lightly and gasped through his tears, burying his face into Toris' shirt and clung tighter to it as a few small whimpers and cries escaped his throat every second or so. He attempted to wipe the tears away, but fresh tears quickly replace them each time. If only Toris weren't as distant now, it would be easier to be his lover and a lot less painful...but he promised to wait for the other.

Toris felt his heart ache a little at the other's pain, but couldn't do anything about it. He did continue to rub his back to help him try to calm down and then got an idea to help lighten the mood a little. "You know...it's not very helpful if you can't breathe...we don't want you to die because your brain can't get enough air to it, right?" He tried to laugh a little, but failed since even he didn't find it very funny. "It sounded better in my head..."

Feliks tried to ignore the fact that the idea was actually terrifying to him, and didn't react. He tightened his grip a bit more for security and rubbed his cheek against Toris' shoulder a few times.

The sobbing became to lighted up after a while, but he continued to stay where he was at.

The Lithuanian felt a little weird having Feliks rub his cheek like that on his shoulder. He ignored it though, since it seemed to be helping the blond calm down. "There, there Feliks..." he whispered, patting his back a little, trying to get all the sobs out of him. "You'll be okay now...No more...no more crying, okay? I hate it when people cry, and I can't do anything about it..."

Poland pulled away, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "

"...you...you like, kinda can...though...for me, at least..." He averted his eyes, blushing lightly as he spoke, "...it's just like, always been really comforting to have you near me...especially after Jadwiga died...it was like, really nice to still have someone to turn to..."

"O-oh...w-well then...I guess that I could stay with you for a little bit then...u-until you stop crying or you want me to leave...which I don't think is possible to be quite honest from what I've gathered...I'm at least glad that I can do something to help you..."

The blond smiled and giggled a tiny bit behind his sleeve at the 'don't think is possible' part. He fidgeted a little with the ends of his hair out of habit and gave a small nod.

"So I guess that I'm going to be stuck with you for a while then..." He sighed a little. "Hmm...hopefully it won't be that bad...at least it'll be better than times spent with Belarus or Russia..."

Feliks was slightly hurt by how Toris put it, hoping that it wasn't going to be a burden or a chore to the Lithuanian. "...is...is it like...really that bad? I mean, I know it's been a while ‘n’ all but we were like, best friends ‘n’ stuff...um...right?"

"What? No, it's not bad or anything...I'm sorry...it must have sounded wrong..." Toris bit his bottom lip and thought of a way to reword his previous statement that seemed to only offend the Pole. "What I had meant...I had hoped that we wouldn't get into any fights again or hurt each other...w-which is why I had mentioned the other two as well...because...y-you know how well we mix together...D-does that explain it better?""

The blond chuckled a little at his stuttering as he tried to explain. Only about half of it really made any sense to him though. "Um like, _tak_...I-I think..." He snickered.

"W-What was so funny? I-I was being serious..."

"Like, yeah…I-I know, but..." He burst out laughing. "OMG! I like, can't help it! I-It's so ttly funny! A-..All that seriousness and then like, all of sudden you're all stutter-y and nervous again, but the face you make when you're all flustered is like-"

He laughed more as he mimicked what Lithuania's face looked like and in the process wiped a tear from his eye. However, Lithuania went red in the face, not out of anger, but pure and utter embarrassment. He shoved the blond away and pinned him to the ground. "S-shut up, okay? O-only you found it funny..."

Poland's eyes widened and his face turned nearly crimson from suddenly being pinned down, though he really didn't enjoy this sort of treatment. He turned his head away so he's not facing Toris anymore since he couldn't use his hands to hide that the moment. "..i-it was like, ...still ttly funny..."

With a sigh, Toris unpinned Feliks and sat down a little ways away from the Polish teen. "I still don't really care, Feliks...it was uncalled for...y-your laughing that is..."

Feliks pouted and rolled over, not really wanting to sit up yet.

"Well...w-well I like, couldn't help it...besides, it's not  **just**  to like,...make fun of you or anything...I was just...um...ya know...like, kinda happy to hear you talk like that, I guess..." He finished with a small giggle.

"Hmm? You...were happy to hear me be serious...? Why does that not make me easy? Like I don't quite want to believe that..."

Feliks shook his head. "

" _Nie_ , happy to hear you talk like normal~ How I remember ‘n’ stuff, there's a whole lot less pressure that way... stutter or no stutter~ Besides, perfect speech gets to be so boring anywayz~ I like the polite and kinda-sorta naïve way you used to talk, even when you weren't nervous ‘n’ all cause you sounded happier then...um..." He paused to think for a second. "...if that like, made any sense whatsoever..."

"I...guess it does?" Now it was Lithuania's turn to pause and think for a little before he sighed again. "Back then...you know...I was raised with that kind of speech...I was raised to be polite and kind in my mannerisms...I can't talk like you with all your...um...I don't really know what to call it except speech patterns-but at any rate! ..." He lost his train of thought and drew a blank now.

Poland tilted his head. "

"What's, like wrong with how I talk? I always ttly thought it made me unique ‘n’ stuff, and Jadwiga found it cute~ " he giggled and then thought, somewhat exasperated afterwards. "...’cept my boss says it's like, offensive or whatever. Tch!"

"I never said there was anything wrong with how you speak! I actually...kind of like it because it's what makes you...Feliks..." Toris blushed slightly and shook his head clear again. "But, um, yeah, your boss would say it's offensive...I'm sure that my boss wouldn't mind it all that much since she's a lot more lenient than a lot of other leaders..."

The blond smiled a little at the compliment, happy to know that there was still something about him that Toris liked. "You're like, super lucky. I mean, it's  **my**  nation, so I should ttly be allowed to speak how I want, at least! And it's how I'm like, used to speaking! It's not as easy as saying ‘don't do it’ and I'll stop. I mean, yeah, I can turn it off sometimes, but that usually just sorta  **happens**  when I get like, serious or something..."

Toris couldn't help but to laugh slightly. "You…being serious? That in of itself is a rare moment," he said with a teasing smile and then sighed, becoming just a little more serious. "But you should be able to speak how you want. Like you had said, it is  **your**  country...you are the country of Poland...maybe he could be jealous of how you speak. It's at least a nice thought..."

He huffed. " _Hej_  [hey]! I can be like, ttly serious when I want-...er...have to be! And I could prove it, but it's like, no fun and would ttly ruin the mood...I like, doubt he's jealous, I just think he doesn't like 'me'."

"When you  **want to be...** which is never. But then again...you did seem pretty serious when we were fighting...at any rate...” He sighed. “It's sad though that your boss doesn't like you the person...every leader should get along with their country..."

"You'd like, think right? But my boss believes I'm not what a true nation should be. Hmph. I would just like, love to know who put him in charge..." He saddened slightly, but only showed it for a split second before continuing. "I don't get a say in like, anything now. Even just my own personal life!"

Toris frowned slightly and watched Feliks. "That's awful...Even Russia got a say in things when he was the USSR...I'm sorry that your boss is like that, Feliks. It's truly...disappointing."

"...well...he's like, not horrible. Pretty okay leader, not a dictator, kinda stoic, but he's just like...so close-minded...he thinks I should stop cross-dressing, talking like this, and...well...th-thinks I should...give up on you..."

"He knew about us?" Lithuania felt uneasy at the thought, but then he focused on the bigger picture. "That must be really tough on you, Feliks...I know how much you like woman's clothing...and...e-everything that makes you...well...you..."

Feliks blushed. "...well...he just like, knows we were partners and I keep suggesting stuff, so... Ahem. But like, yeah... Not that he's gotten me to actually change anything yet...but I always feel like he's gonna  **ground**  me or something." He raised an eyebrow at a thought. "…weird...he's like a personal teacher or something that super strict one that everybody says is mean, ya know?"

This time Toris blushed, but he nodded in agreement to what Feliks had said. "It's because you're so stubborn and you don't like listen to higher ups unless it was Jadwiga..."

There was a smile on his face at the thought of the king. He looked over at Feliks. "She was a great leader...even at such a young age. I think-no, I know that she had a large influence on your life..."

Poland blinked a few times and felt his cheeks warm up. He instinctively started to play with the tips of his blond hair and looked around room. "...um...like, yeah...I guess...I mean, she was kinda like a mother to me...u-um, er, well...wh-what I like, imagined a mother would be...ya know... What about you?

"Oh...I-I had never really had a mother figure per say...b-but there are few of my kings that have had a great deal of influence on me..." he said while he fidgeted with his hands and looked away. "To be honest...I actually did like Jadwiga a lot...she would probably be the closest thing I had to a mother since Dalia is so much older..."

The blond smiled and moved to sit a little closer to the Lithuanian, wanting to see his face. "She liked you too~ She was always so ttly happy to see the two of us spending time together, even when we weren't being forced too..." he giggled.

"...I miss her...if she could live as long as me, I wouldn't have gone through all that trouble recently...and maybe...we would still be together..." He blushed lightly but still smiled.

Toris looked up and smiled as well. "Y-yeah, really? I'm glad that she liked me too...and she made Jogaila happy too even though he was so much older than she was...I wonder what they would say if they knew how we had been acting the last hundred years or so..."

He shuddered at the frightening thought while Feliks frowned at it. He thought of how disappointed his beloved kind would be if she had known.

"...After everything she went through to like, get us to be closer to each other...oh _Boże_ , she'd be so ashamed of me!" He got on his hands and started to pound his head into the floor in frustration.

"And Jogaila would be mad at me...he would yell at me for sure and ask how I could have let it happen..." He shuddered at the memories of his grand duke being angry at him. "That was never pleasant..."

Feliks sighed and sat up again. "...well...we can like, still make up for it,  _tak_ ~? I mean...it's not as if it's  **impossible**. Almost nothing's impossible, that I ttly know for sure~"

Lithuania nodded. "Yeah...I guess so...we wouldn't want all their years of effort wasted completely..."

"To disrespect our greatest king like that would be like, a total crime! Especially to the Catholic church, cause they ttly honor her ‘n’ stuff ya know." Feliks smiled and nodded. He moved a tiny bit closer and lightly hugged Toris' arm. "So, we should ttly try to like, restore our relationship and make our countries stop fighting ‘n’ stuff~"

"That last part might be problematic...we would have to get both our bosses to agree to do that, you know...changing opinions that have been engraved in our past is hard to do...we can try I guess, but don't be surprised if it fails..."

Toris slowly pet Feliks' head gently, almost as if he was afraid to do so. Poland frowned in disappointment and thought for a moment.

"...well...maybe if we like, start to get along better than our people will like, follow suit, ya know? It could happen, I'm very persuasive~"

Feliks winked, which earned a blush from Toris. "Yeah...you are..." he cleared his throat and sighed." But we can be hopeful..."

With a smile, Lithuania patted the blond's head again. Feliks blinked while he was being petted, feeling somewhat like a pet. He took a gentle hold of Toris' hand, moved it down just a bit to his own cheek, and smiled at the comforting warmth the brunet's hand gave off.

"Mhm~ We can like, try our best... maybe it won't be as hard as it seems..."

Toris' hand began to shake soon after against the soft cheek, but he kept it there so he wouldn't offend Feliks. "Yes, we can try..."

"...?" Poland felt Lithuania's hand shaking and looked up at him. He noticed that the other was nervous and let go of his hand. He was disappointed, but it didn't last long. "...you like, ...do still like me...right? At least a little? Anything at all? I don't wanna go through this just to like, find out that you were lying for my sake..." Feliks looked down, almost afraid of what his love would say.

"N-no, I do like you...I-I wasn't lying about that...it's just...this is going to take some time to get use to again...b-being around you that is...n-not that I don't enjoy your company or anything..." he paused to sigh. "I'm just a little afraid of this...of us...b-being together."

Feliks tilted his head, confused. "Like, afraid? Afraid of what? " He put a hand over Lithuania's lightly as to nod freak the brunet out too much. "You like, don't have to worry, okay? I ttly promise I'd never hurt you... I'm not like _Rosja_ , even if we are like, technically related ‘n’ stuff. Besides, after everything I went through just to get  **here** , I'd have to be ttly stupid to risk it..."

"I know you would never hurt me, you're not like that, but I don't know what I'm afraid of...I just know...I don't want to be crushed in disappointment, or fear, or anything like that...I don't want a repeat of what's happened already..."

He took a shuddering breath and leaned over onto Feliks' shoulder, causing him to blush from the sudden proximity of the other. But Poland tried to relax and not alarm Toris, although he did pull him just a little bit closer, holding him securely.

"I want to be happy...but it's a little frightening at the same time..."

"I know...I'm like, kinda scared of something going ttly wrong too...but we've got each other to lean on,  _tak_? Even if things don't go our way at first, we'll pull through~..."

Toris nodded and closed his eyes, nuzzling Feliks' shoulder just slightly to let him know he wouldn't go anywhere. "t will be okay...It has to...I don't want to go back to relying on him again...I-I have you f-for that now..."

The blond was slightly surprised by Toris saying that all of a sudden, but he smiled nonetheless, happy to hear those words. He felt such a comforting sensation from it. "... _tak_...I like, won't let him get you again, don't worry...this time, I won't hesitate...I won't lose you again..."

He held onto Toris a little bit tighter and lowered his head over Toris', softly kissing the silky brown locks of hair. "..I promise...I-...I'll never let you go again...

Lithuania held onto Feliks' sleeve and sighed a little. "Thank you, Feliks...thank you..." He tightened his grip and moved a little closer until their sides were touching. "And I promise...that I will try and l-learn to be less...afraid of being with you like we once were...T-that seems like a fair deal, r-right?"

He smiled at the brunet's statement, how close they were to being together again, how close Toris was to allow them to be together.

"Mhmm...for right now, that's just fine...someday-...someday maybe, if everything turns out okay...maybe you'll give it to me...just like I gave you mine...I'd like that...so much...but, I can wait...I can wait if you need me to..."

"If it's not too much trouble...I promise I would make it up to you once I...once I give you my heart to hold and have again..." He blushed and looked at the ground, obviously embarrassed by his statement. "And this time you wouldn't need to take it by force..."

Feliks blushed in surprise, hoping that nothing would happen to mess this up in any way. "... _d-_... _dziękuję_ , Liet...that would mean, like...the world to me...even if I have to wait awhile..." The blond smiled and started twisting a strand of his yellow hair around his finger while his other hand kept a gentle hold on the brunet.

"I know how much it would mean to you...that's why...I'm going to try my hardest to give it to you...because...you're the only person I would trust with it..." Toris blushed more if that was possible and took Feliks' hand away from his hair. He place that hand over his own heart. Feliks widened his eyes slightly, blushing a little darker. He gasped lightly in surprise at the feeling. "C-can you feel it beating?"

"...mn...mhm.." he answered and nodded his head slowly. He then carefully curled his fingers up to gently grip the material in his hand. "...I-...mn...I-I don't..."

For once, he was a little speechless now. He tried to think of something to say that wouldn't ruin the mood completely as he had a habit of doing so.

"It's beating with a new purpose now..." Toris smiled a little and leaned in closer to Feliks' face. "It beats because it knows one day that you're going to have it..."

He leaned in closer until his lips brushed against Feliks' cheek in a small gentle kiss, then pulled away blushing. Feliks stared, in shock for a moment. His cheeks were nearly the color of roses, and then he shook his head clear. He looked up at the other with a grateful smile.

":.. _k_ -..." Poland fidgeted a littler and then moved in a bit closer and hugged Toris, kissing his cheek back as a thank you. "... _K-Kocham cię, mój mężny książę_ [I love you, my valiant prince]..."

Toris looked up at him and blushed more from what Feliks had said. He opened his mouth to reply, but he couldn't bring himself to say the proper response back. However, he did remember something he used to call Feliks that made him happy back when they were together.

" _Dziękuję, moja księżniczka_...[Thank you, my princess...]."

The blond's eyes widen, and his blush darken a bit. He was shocked that Toris remembered, let alone able to say it. "...Liet..."

He giggled gleefully and tightened his hug, incredibly happy to hear such sweet and familiar words. Toris was surprised that the Pole was this happy by such a simple statement, though he was happy to make him this cheerful.

"Did it really make you that happy, Feliks?"

He nodded with a wide smile and brightly painted cheeks. " _Tak_ ~ It's been forever since I've heard that... you have like, no idea how much I've missed it and wished I could hear it, even if you used to use it to tease me sometimes too! It's still so ttly nice to hear..." He nuzzled into Toris' shoulder comfortably and stayed there.

"It's been a long time since I've been called a prince too..." The brunet leaned his head against Feliks' blond head. "I don't deserve such a noble title..."

Feliks tightened his hug a little bit with the other's words. "Don't be silly, you're a total prince~ You're so brave and strong and skillful...and ttly smart too...and the best fighter I've like, ever met..."

Lithuania blushed at all of Feliks' compliments. "D-don't be s-so silly...I-I'm not most of those things...n-no matter how much you believe that..."

With a pout, Feliks looked up at him. He was determined to get the brunet to see what he did. "...how come  **you**  don't? They're like, true, I've seen it... but you just keep doubting yourself, and I ttly don't get why..."

"O-once upon a time, maybe, but not anymore, Feliks..." He brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them tightly, defensively. "Russia beat most of that out of me..."

Poland moved Toris' bangs away from his face to see his eyes. "... _nie_...he just made you too scared to show it...it's still in there, for sure~ I'll show ya too, eventually...I know it's still there..."

Toris looked up at him. "How do you know? How do you know it's still there? Because of what we had done earlier? That was just me angry..."

The Polish teen leaned in and pressed their foreheads together, looking into the other's green eyes. "

Because I know you...and not who you've become in order to protect yourself, but the real you...and I saw him just a couple minutes ago...when you smiled…and you spoke with the words of a true prince...that took a lot more to show than the 'you' you're used to showing people...that's the _Lietuva_ I remember..."

With a smile, he pulled away and hoped that Toris would take what he said to heart. Said Lithuanian was blushing and thinking about what the blond had said. He looked at the ground and continued thinking for a while.

"F-Feliks..."

He hugged Feliks tightly and knocked him over on the floor with the brunet on top of Feliks slightly. It caused the blond to let out a small 'Ah!' It took Feliks a second to register that Toris was hugging him. He hugged back and smiled at the embrace.

And Toris still hugged Feliks in that tight hold.

"T-Thank you...thank you...this means...that meant so much to hear coming from your lips..."

"...it's true...and I just like, want you to know it..." He tilted the brunet's head up so he could see his face. "Besides, I like you best when you smile~...I mean like, **really**  smile...it's so cute~!"

Lithuania smiled a little and blushed at his words. "Even so...thank you for your kind words... _m-moja księżniczka..."_

He shyly kissed the blond's cheek and then sat back up. He helped Feliks up too since he was the one to knock him over. Feliks smiled and blushed lightly from the combination of Toris using that special name for him and then kissing him on the cheek like that. He sat up with Toris' help and fidgeted, not from awkwardness, but more like being bashful about it.

They stayed like that for a while. Just silent until finally Toris looked up at Feliks and broke the silence.

"S-so...what do we do now, Feliks?"

That snapped the blond out of hi daze. He was slightly embarrassed that he spaced out like that and turned to face Toris. "Huh? O-oh...I like, dunno...we can't just stay in this room forever...wherever we like, even are..."

"Yeah...maybe we should...go to one of our houses...y-you know...e-either yours or mine...m-maybe...and of course find our way out of here too..."

Feliks nodded. "Like, yeah...that sounds like a ttly good idea...especially since I have like, no clue where we are..." He began to look around absentmindedly.

"We're in a room...in a house...that's about as much as I can tell you...,” he said, pointing out the obvious. He stood up and started to look for a map or something that could tell them where they were.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beware of the fluff in this chapter!
> 
> Rated T for cursing and violence and some sexual content (mostly heavy making out and a little touching, as per the wishes of my partner). There are a few places where they have sex, but it will not be written out. My RP partner did not want this to be another fic where it their relationship was based on sex. This relationship will be based on deep, unrelenting love for one another.  
> Anyways, to the story now!
> 
> We own the plot and our headcannons, not Hetalia.

The blond stood up as well and peaked outside into the hall. "... _cześć_ [hello]? Hm..." He poked his head back inside and shrugs to Toris.

"Maybe we should try and find the way out of here then find a train station or airport..."

"But like...if we don't know where we are...how do you know we need a train or plane?”

"Well...” he paused for a moment. “On our way to find one we can find out where we are."

"Hm...that's like, true..." Feliks walked over to the Lithuanian and took hold of his hand. Toris flinched slightly at the touch, but he calmed himself down for Feliks' sake. "M’kay, let's like, go see~"

"Y-yeah..." he said with a small smile then started to walk."

The blond tilted his head a bit in curiosity, but eventually just brushed it off and followed along. He looked around for hints of where they could be. "...anything?"

"Hmm...I think...maybe Eastern Europe judging by the buildings...So a train would work just fine."

"Hm...I'm central-eastern Europe too, maybe we're like, nearby my home?"

"Hmm...I hope we're at least close to one of our houses...I'd like to get some rest..."

"Eh? _Co_ [what], you're like, tired? "

"Is that so hard to imagine? I may be a country, but I'm in a human body..."

Feliks chuckled slightly. "Well like, duh! Everybody gets tired~ All I meant was I totally didn't know you wore yourself out like that...must'a been from getting all worked up...I mean, you did use quite a bit of strength ‘n’ stuff..." He smiled slightly and rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"A-ah...right...well, like I've been trying to tell you, I'm not that much of a fighter any more since...y-you know..." He sighed, not really wanting to say anything more on the subject. He then spotted a sign in Cyrillic. "Hmm...that's not Russian..."

Poland looked a little sad as the brunet spoke. But he soon forgot for a moment and turned to see what Toris was looking at. "...Hm? ...oh, yeah. I like, can't read it so it's not Polish, Hungarian, Lithuanian obviously, or German..."

" _Nie_ [no], it's either Ukrainian, Bulgarian, Macedonian, or...Belorussian, but that language is all but dead except in certain parts of the country... I doubt that we would be in Bulgaria's country...or Macedonia for the matter...So it means we're either in Ukraine or Belarus...and if we're in Ukraine, we're closer to your country, but if we're in Belarus...depending on whether it's the northern end or southern...can be either way..."

"...I hope it's like, Ukraine, cause if Belabit- r-rus!" He blushed a little and laughed nervously at what he was about to say in from of Toris."Ahem...if she s-sees us here, we're all but dead too..."

"Yeah...I guess that would be true...sadly...well, let's just keep walking around and maybe they'll be something that I can actually read...like Russian..."

"I hope not, cause that would probably mean we like,  **are**  in Bela's country..." The blond groaned and walked on. He looked around for some sort of helpful hint.

Toris just sighed and kept looking until he saw a sign in Russian. Sadly, though, it didn't help give them a clue to their location. "Just a store ad..."

Feliks sighed. "Maybe if we're like, near some farmland or something...

Okay, if we're in Ukraine then  **somebody's** gotta know Polish. And if we're in Belarus, somebody's gotta know Lithuanian~ Maybe if we like, ask around and see?"

He suddenly gulped at the idea of talking to a bunch of strangers. But, if it could help them know where they were, he supposed he could do it.

"I guess that would be a good idea...Hopefully...even if they know Russian it would be of great help..." Toris turned to look towards the other. "Are you sure you can do that? If I remember correctly...aren't you terrified of strangers?"

The teen blushed and averted his eyes, nervously scratching his cheek with his index finger. "...eheh...Eh...well...m-maybe if they like, know Polish, it'll help some...or something..."

"Hmm..." Toris felt a little bad for Feliks and his fear of strangers. However, he didn't really know what to do for him. "Well...hopefully we won't have to talk to a lot...would you like me to try first and then you can try?"

"...um like, sure...g-go ahead..." he said as he slipped behind the brunet, half-hiding there. He was scared, but he didn't want Toris to think that lowly of him or anything.

Lithuania blinked and sighed slightly. "Okay, let's get this over with..."

He looked around and then finally decided to go over to a nice looking elderly woman. He tried speaking Lithuanian first. " _Atleiskite, ponia_ [Excuse me, madam]?"

When the woman did not acknowledge him, he repeated the statement in Russian. This caught her attention and she looked up with a smile. So, she spoke Russian, so Toris continued in that language. "Um...Where are we?"

She smiled and giggled at the sight of Poland hiding behind Lithuania. "You are in the country of Belarus, near the Polish border."

Feliks mentally groaned at the fact that it had to  **Belarus** they were in. Yet, he felt somewhat relieved that they were close to his country. He peeked over at her and nodded his head in a small, shy bow, mumbling out a quiet, "  _D-_... _Dziękuję_ [thank you], ma'am..."

"Oh... _Jesteś powitanie_ [you are welcomed]~ " she said with a smile and waved goodbye to them. Feliks returned the wave shyly.

"Well, now we know we can just take a train to get to your house. That's at least good news, right, Feliks?" Toris asked.

The blond turned to Toris. "Hm? Oh like, yeah~...but maybe we should've asked where a train station is? just saying..."

Toris smacked his head for not thinking about it sooner, feeling like an idiot. "Ack...you're right...I should have...Well, back we go then..."

Poland hid a few snickers behind his hand, trying hard not to laugh at Toris' funny little fail moment. "R-Right..."

He turned to Feliks and huffed slightly. "Oh, shut up! Or would you rather go and talk to her?"

"I-It was just f-...so funny, I-" He was interrupted by his laugher, which he tried to hold back. "B-But where did she like, e-even go?"

The brunet looked around for the woman and realized that she was nowhere to be seen. "She must have gone on about her way..." he said with a sigh. "Guess we have to ask another person..."

"Eep-" Feliks hid again, this time more because he knew that it was probably his turn to ask since he spoke better Polish than Toris. The Lithuanian turned around to him.

"You'll be fine, Feliks...unless you want me to search for someone who either speaks Russian or Lithuanian?"

Feliks gulped and shook his head. He looked off to the side and tried to gather all the courage he could muster.

"Are you sure, Feliks? I don't want you to have like a panic attack..."

To this the blond huffed. " I-I'll be like, totally fine! As soon as I like ...find somebody that speaks Polish..."

He began to look around.

"Alright...if you say so..." Lithuania pulled away from Feliks so he wouldn't be used as a human shield. Feliks gulped and looked around some more, finally spotting two teen girls in school uniforms. They were chatting with each other. He decided that they would be the best choice, so he walked up to them.

"Ahem... _Przepraszam, tęskni_ [Excuse me, miss]?"

Both girls turned to him. One of them though that he was kind of cute while the other just smiled politely. " _Cześć, jest coś, przy czym mogliśmy pomóc ci_ [Hello, is there something we can help you with]?"

Feliks nodded with a shy smile. " _Tak_. Mógłby skierować nas do najbliższego dworca kolejowego, proszę? [Yes. Could you direct us to the nearest train station, please?]"

The girls nodded and began to write down some directions. While they wrote, they also told him what to look for and where to find certain things.

" _Dziękuję bardzo, tęskni_ [thank you very much, miss]~" The Pole gave them a small bow and a light kiss on each of their hands before walking back over to Toris, who had watched the whole scene with a slightly surprised look. He was kind of proud that he was able to ask them so easily...so effortlessly...so not like the Feliks he knew.

"Good job there, Feliks..."

Poland sped up once he's a foot or two away and clung to Toris. He was still freaking out a little though he was able to put up a good act the whole time. He blushed like mad and buried his red face in Toris' shirt.

Toris was surprised by his sudden shy reaction, but he patted the blond's back to reward him. "You'll be alright, Feliks. So, you got the directions,  _taip_ [yes]? Now we can get to the train station."

" _T-Tak_..." He pulled away, but one hand still gripped Toris' shirt and handed the brunet the piece of paper. "It's like, just a few towns away... at least we're not around any big cities or anything..."

"You're not comfortable in big cities either? Well...can't say I blame you actually...they can be quite frightful..." he paused to sigh. "So, a few towns over you said? Let's get walking then..."

"Liet, my home is one big open plain of little towns and farmland! Can you like, imagine seeing a big city with huge buildings and over-crowded street after living where I do?" He shuddered at the very thought. "And the air is so thick and dirty, ugh!" He shook off the feeling and followed along besides Toris.

"Hmm...I guess that's true...When Moscow became a booming city we all had gotten sick with all the smoke and dirt in the air..."He continued walking, but slowly became lost in his own little world.

"...I hate smoke...love fire, but hate smoke...at least, smoke that's like, not natural ‘n’ stuff...ya know..." He looked over, expecting to the Lithuanian listening, but stopped talking once he realized the other was a little out of it.

"Hmm? Oh, were you saying something about fire?" Toris blinked a little and looked over to the blond. "Sorry, I had spaced out. I didn't mean to..."

"It's like, fine. I probably shoulda just stopped there anywayz...Ahem. So like, we're going by foot,  _tak_?"

"Yeah...I think that it would give us the most time together, don't you think?"

Feliks blushed a tiny bit. He hadn't expected that sort reason from the other. "U-um... _tak_...that's like, a totally good idea~" He smiled. "I love the country anywayz~"

Lithuania couldn't help but smile slightly as well and looked at him, then back to the road. "I thought that you would appreciate it..."

He nodded and folded his arms behind his head. He looked around and enjoyed the scenery. "Mhm, it's totally nice~ I just like, hope we don't have to go over a bunch of hills or anything.."

"I don't think Belarus has a lot of hill...it's Ukraine that has most of them, right?" he asked, not meaning any of that in a sexual manner whatsoever.

However it didn't stop Feliks from chuckling a little anyways. "Well like, I dunno. But my western border has a couple small hills ‘n’ stuff, so I figured maybe there were some just outside the eastern border too~ Especially being near Ukraine ‘n’ all~"

"Yeah...I thought you had said your country was pretty much flat though?" He just shrugged it off and kept walking, glancing at Feliks occasionally.

" _Tak,_  it is~ Especially in the middle! But I like, border a whole bunch of mountainous nations ‘n’ stuff, so in the outer cities you'll see a few hills or something every once in a while~" He smiled at Toris and then noticed the occasional glanced the brunet gave him.

"Well, I guess that would make sense then...the middle being flat and the edges being raised a little..."

One particular glance, he happen to catch his gaze. He blushed and looked away again, embarrassed he was caught. Feliks however, just giggled at Toris being so flustered and kept walking. He looked up at the sky in an almost longing sort of manner and watched the birds flying in patterns through the sky.

After a while of walking in a straight line, Toris realized something. "Why am I leading? You're the one who knows the directions!"

He blinked before he realized that mistake. "Eh? Oh like, yeah! You're ttly right~!"

Feliks laughed and took the piece of paper from Lithuania. "I like, almost forgot tha-" He was cut off suddenly when a bird swooped down and snatched the paper. Feliks' eyes widened. "... _HEJ_  [hey]!"

The little bird in question was still flying low. It was taunting the blond nation now.

"WHY THAT LITTLE-!" Feliks began to chase after it.

Toris on the other hand, could hardly believe that that just happened. And was a little slow to react. "F-Feliks...did that bird really just take our only directions of how to get out of here?" He noticed the other chasing after the bird. "It apparently did... Don't hurt it, Feliks!"

"I'm not gonna hurt it, I'm gonna pluck its feathers off!" Feliks shouted as he chased the bird angrily. The bird only flew higher as to taunt Poland more.

"Oh,  _nie ma mowy_ [no way]! You're NOT getting away so easily!" He pulled out a thick piece of string and grabbed two small rocks, tying one to each other and swinging it like a lasso.

"Feliks! Isn't that a bit much? I was serious when I said don't hurt it...what would the Mother Goddess think?" He mentally cursed himself for letting his Pagan roots show again. He though he got rid of thinking that way! "L-let's just calmly ask it to come back, okay? That way we don't anger anyone..."

"She doesn't exist and I know what I'm doing, okay? I live on a farm; animals are like, my lively hood!"

As Poland swung his lasso faster and faster before finally tossing it, Toris had felt his heart break a little when the blond accused the Mother Goddess for not existing. But all that didn't matter as Feliks finally hit the bird's wing. The string lasso wrapped around the little bird, making it fall to the ground. They ran over to where the bird fell, who was very scared. Feliks caught the bird before it hit the ground though, after having to run faster and took a dive to the ground.

"…phew… Poland started to catch his breath and sat up with the bird gently in his hands." Now be good and hold still you just a sec..."

The bird didn't listen (obviously because it was just a bird and couldn't understand anything but that it was captured).

"Hold on, stop tangling yourself...”

"Calm yourself,  _mažai paukštis_  [little bird], Feliks isn't going to hurt you...we just want the piece of paper you took from us. We'll let you go afterwards, okay?"

The bird kept freaking out, still not understanding what was going on.

"Shh. Hush, now. You're okay."

He stroked the bird gently to help calm it as much as possible. He removed the paper from its foot and handed it to Toris while he untied the bird carefully. Toris put the piece of paper in his pocket where the bird couldn't get to it once it was freed. He still worried about the bird though since it must be terrified out of its mind.

"There now, almost free again. Don't struggle, it's okay." And as if they bird finally understood, it stopped squirming a little bit and breathed heavily. It just wanted to be free again.

Feliks untied the bird and held it carefully in his hands so it didn't rush off. "There, you see? We won't hurt you, you'll be okay. Just be calm, _bączek_ [little one]. Be calm..."

He stood up and carefully helped the bird out and let it go. The bird quickly flew off once it was released, never to bother the Pole and Lithuanian. Feliks dusted his hands off and turned back to his traveling companion.

"See~? Ttly no problem, it's not the least bit hurt~"

"Y-yeah..." The teen smiled a little. "You were really gentle with it. It was actually quite sweet how you handled the whole thing..."

Poland blushed and began to fidget with a strand of his hair again. "Eheh~...Well, like I said...I was like, raised on farmland ‘n’ stuff, nature's just sorta my thing..."

"Yes, I seem to recall something like that..." He patted the blond's shoulder and handed him back the piece of paper. "Let's try this again, shall we?"

Feliks nodded and took the piece of paper. "Like, right..." He looked at the directions and then glanced around, trying to spot anything on the list. "We like, didn't run too far, did we? "

"Hmm...a probably 5, 6 meters? Why? Did we veer off course too much?" He looked over Feliks' shoulder and tried to read the directions. Alas, he could not read the messy Polish written directions.

"Ehhh...that's what I'm like, trying to figure out..." Feliks rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "Eheh..s-see I was like, kinda focused on the bird ‘n’ stuff, so where it was leading me, I don't really..."

"Ah...maybe we should retrace our steps? That should work, right?" Toris gently grabbed Feliks' hand to lead him back where they were. He had actually seen where they were going since it was Feliks chasing the bird.

"U-Um, right..." Feliks blushed a bit from the soft warmth of Toris' hand in his. He didn't really notice where they were headed since the feeling and thoughts that followed were distracting him.

After a few minutes, Toris came to a stop. "We were somewhere around here, I believe," he said as he looked back at Feliks and noticed his blush. "Are you alright? You're bl- "

Then he realized that he had been holding Feliks' hand the entire time and blushed as well. "O-oh..."

Feliks snapped out of his thoughts and looked up to the brunet teen. " _Co_?"

He noticed that Toris was blushing too and that they were still holding hands even though they stopped walking.

Toris let go of his hand and glanced up at him shyly. "I'm sorry..."

The blond pouted a little when he let go of his hand. He didn't know what to do, so he held both hands behind his back and glanced off to the side. "  _Nie_...s'okay..."

Lithuania cleared his throat and looked up at the sky. It was already painted in sunset oranges and pinks. "Um, w-we'd better get going, Feliks...before it gets dark..."

He sighed a little, but put on a smile before looking up as well. "  _Tak_ ~ we like, ttly don't wanna get stranded out here or something, especially in the middle of nowhere~"

The brunet nodded and looked back at him. "So, can you figure out your directions now?"

Feliks nodded and looked over them again. He spotted what was written, then started off in that direction, although he was still a bit out of it because of his thoughts. "...hm..."

Lithuania followed him silently, and looked around. He admired the landscape. The blond walked on for a while, not noticing where he was going. He ended up tripping over a root. And Lithuania soon tripped over the Pole. And he had landed right on top of the blond teen.

"Wha- OOF!"

"Ow...t-that hurt..."

"...u-um..." Feliks blushed a little at the awkward placement. Especially since he was nearly face down to the dirt and Toris was on top of him like that.

Toris rolled off Poland at once and looked away; he was extremely embarrassed. "I'm so sorry, Feliks...I-I didn't mean to land on you..."

Feliks sat up and brushed himself off. He turned to face Toris and moved over closer to hug him tightly.

" It's like, fine... it's better than awkward silence at least..." he blushed when he spoke. "I-I mean like, y-ya know...we're talking now ‘n’ stuff! And like, maybe it was kinda awkward, but your face was cute~ Er, no, wait- I-I meant, like..."

He just gave up and smacked his face with both palms. Lithuania just laughed at Feliks' flustered speech and rested his head on Feliks' shoulder.

"I guess you have a point...a-about us finally talking at least...I don't quite know about my face being cute...but it's okay..."

Lithuania quickly kissed Feliks' cheek and sat up again. Poland looked at the brunet with curiosity and then blushed after he received the kiss.

"...u-um... _tak..._ well i-it like, was though..."

Toris nodded slowly and then stands up. He helped Feliks up. "Come on...and let's try and not trip over anymore..." He looked down to see what they had tripped on in the first place. "Roots..."

Feliks laughed with embarrassment and stood up. He pulled out the directions again and started off on the same route. "Eheh...like, right..."

The brunet followed not so closely behind in case Feliks ended up tripping over something again, but close enough so that Feliks wouldn't think that he's trying to avoid him. Meanwhile, Feliks was just concerned with his own thoughts, feeling horribly embarrassed and disappointed. He just hoped that he didn't ruin everything just like that. And he had been so wrapped up in his own little world that he didn't notice where he was walking.

Luckily, Toris had glanced up to look at Feliks' back, and then saw a lamppost. He became concerned when the Pole didn't steer away from it, and just before the collision, the Lithuanian grabbed Feliks' shoulder to make him stop.

"Watch out, Feliks! You almost ran into that pole..."

Feliks snapped out of it and was suddenly face to...pole with a lamppost. He widened his eyes and looked back at Toris who held onto his should, and nearly goes red with embarrassment. He pulled away and cleared his throat. "Ahem. D- _Dzięki_... G-Guess I was just like, kinda distracted ‘n’ stuff...eheheh...

"Yes, very distracted...you almost hit a pole...wait..." The brunet giggles a little then burst out into laughter. "Oh, God! That's funny...that's just too rich!"

Poland looked over to Toris, a bit embarrassed but also agitated at the sudden laughter he thought was directed at himself. "W-What's like, so fun-..." He facepalmed, a look of annoyance on his hidden face. "I ttly hate puns."

"I'm sorry, Feliks, but it's still funny!" He wiped a few tears away—after all, he had been laughing so hard!— and offered an apologetic look to the blond. "I really am sorry..."

Feliks turned his face up with a small 'hmph,' and started to walk, forgetting his surroundings. He was knocked to the ground after running into that very same pole he had avoided in the first place. "OOF-!"

"And he ran into it anyways...-" Lithuania said quietly with a sigh. He went to Feliks' side. "Are you okay, Feliks?"

Said blond blushed a dark shade of red and looked away with his arms crossed. He huffed and pouted with embarrassment and slight annoyance. "...fine..." He rubbed a small bruise on his forehead.

"Come on, let's get you upright and standing." Toris held out his hand for his friend to take.

Poland hesitated for a second, but took the hand and stood up, stumbling a bit once he was up. He tripped and practically threw himself into the brunet's arms with a bright blush. Toris blushed as well and cleared his throat at the awkwardness.

"...I-...um..." He stepped back and rubbed his arm a bit. "P _-..przyko mi_ [I’m sorry]..."

"It's okay...a-as long as you're okay, it's fine." He smiled shyly and off to the side.

Feliks nodded a little and looked over to his companion. After several long moments, he slowly moved closer again to hug him, and let it last a while. Toris smiled slightly and patted his back before Feliks pulled away finally. .

"Shall we try to walk again?" Lithuania asked.

Poland frowned a tiny bit and nodded before continuing to walk. He pulled out the slip of paper again. "It’s like ...shouldn't be far from here..."

"Good...hopefully we can get a cheap ride to Warsaw then..."

They only had to travel a little bit further until a train whistle could be heard.

"Ah, sounds like we're almost there..."

Feliks continued following the instructions, taking a wrong turn once or twice, but quickly managed to get them back on track. Toris just smiled at the small mistakes and felt almost proud when Feliks figured them out. They finally got to the train station, which was somewhat crowded. There were still people there. Lithuania bought relatively cheap tickets to Warsaw.

"And now we can relax until the train comes."

"Mmkay..." Feliks looked around, but stayed close to the Lithuanian since there was still a bunch of other people there. "...so like, how?"

"Just find a place to sit I guess." Toris walked around with Feliks until he found a small bench that was unoccupied. "There's a good spot, right?" He smiled slightly and sat down, motioning for the blond to sit down. Feliks hesitantly sat down, but stayed close to him out of nervousness. But he also wanted Toris to warm up to him more. He sighed and twiddled his thumbs while they waited. He was a little unhappy that things still seemed to be a bit awkward. Toris just sat there, almost completely still, staring at the ground for a while.

After a while, Lithuania sighed and looked up to Feliks. "I'm sorry that this seems awkward, Feliks...I'm just not...use to being around you...but...I am trying. I really, really am trying..." He shyly held onto the blond's hand and blushed slightly.

Feliks jolted slightly when Toris first spoke, one of the downfalls of zoning out when everything was silent. He turned to Lithuania with curiosity, blushing slightly as well from their hands touching, holding, each other. With a quick glance to either side, Feliks moved a tiny bit closer and leaned on Toris' shoulder, also action shyly.

"...i-it's like, okay...that's like, kinda why I'm trying to hold back...a-a little..."

Hold...back?" Toris looked over at him, tilting his head and then blushed a little. "I appreciate it...thank you... I know how hard it must be for you...since you love me so much..."

"Mn-..." Feliks blushed darker and hid his face slightly in Toris' shoulder. "... _t-tak_...um...b-..but it's like, fine...I can wait..."

Lithuania sighed and leaned against Feliks' head. He pressed his lips against blond hair. Feliks felt his heart race a bit from the small gesture and looked up at Toris while he spoke and gave a small smile. "I wish I didn't have to make you wait though...I want it to be like it was back in the commonwealth...when we were so comfortable around each other..."

"...I have a chance... Now, I know I do, so it's okay...for now...for now I'm like, okay just knowing that I haven't lost you for good..." Feliks slowly and hesitantly hooked onto the brunet's arm, hugging it lightly, but happily nonetheless.

"Yeah, I guess that's true..." He sighed a little and blushed at the hug. "And I have the chance to learn to love you again...and be close to you..."

Poland nodded a little and hugged Toris just a tiny bit tighter. "...is...is it hard?" He looked away, knowing that Toris would mostly likely give a painfully honest answer while still trying to be polite. Ah, only Lithuania.

"Hard how? Well...no, it's not hard, it's more..." Toris paused to come up with the right word. "It's frustrating more than anything else... Frustrating and very depressing. I know that I do...I do care for you deeply, but I'm too afraid to let you in or let my feeling out in fear of hurting... You had been right when you said that I lie to myself. And yes, I've been denying myself a lot, but it's only because I am terrified of being hurt...by anyone including myself.

He sighed and leaned against Feliks' shoulder. "And it's hard for me to make you have to wait even longer...it's not fair to you..."

Feliks sighed in relief and smiled at Toris. He shifted just a little to hug the other. "I just like, wanted to know... The only time I would ever hear your opinion on me was when you were like, mad...and I was really hoping it wasn't true...either that, or if I heard some castle gossip or something...but still, as long as this is like, what you want too...and whatever you're scared of, it's okay...cause it like, won't happen... Never again,  _nie_..."

Lithuania smiled a little and kissed Feliks' cheek gently and hugged him in return for the kind words. It caused him to blush more. "Thank you for understanding...and I promise that overcome my fears for you... And I'm sorry that you never heard me say anything about you unless I was mad or through others..."

The Pole offered a shy smile back " _Dzięki_...and it's like, okay...I mean, we were kids 'n' stuff, what could I expect?" He chuckled a tiny bit.

"You're welcome..." Toris smiled a little more and nodded. "And I guess that's true...we were so young back then and had no clue how to act around one another...and all the things that happened to us at the time... He shuddered a little, and he wasn't even thinking about Russia.

" _Tak_...what with like, the Teutonic Knights and Golden Horde and all that surrounding us...I guess it doesn't really occur to a kid, huh? Hm..." He took out a lighter and flipped it on then off then on again repeatedly.

"No, it doesn't...we just did what out boss told us to do and we did it without question." Toris looked at the flame with a curious gaze and ran a finger through the flame quickly, which caused Poland to gasp and close it out of reflex. He turned to the brunet slightly confused and worried. "Did you like, get burnt? Why'd you do that?"

"I didn't get burned...see?" He held up his finger, only slightly singed. Feliks' eyes widened a bit at seeing the burn.

"Yes you like, ttly did! Are you crazy? Why would you just like, stick your hand into a fire? I mean, I know it's pretty 'n' all, but you're not supposed to touch it!

"Oh? I burnt myself?" Toris looked down at his finger and sighed. "Oops...I'm sorry. I just...I don't know why...I felt like it...?"

Feliks wanted to say something, but instead he just released his breath he was holding. He ripped off a small piece of his shirt and wrapped it around the brunet's burnt finger. "I wish you wouldn't do that...I can't stand that..."

"I didn't mean to hurt myself...honestly I didn't..." Toris watched as Feliks wrapped the digit and sighed. "It didn't hurt or anything though... I can't really feel anything in my hands..."

"Like, so? Doesn't matter, you'll still get damage ‘n’ stuff when you do that..." Poland kept wrapping it and finally kissed the spot lightly once he was done, though it actually didn't mean anything more than what he was taught at the time. It still caused Toris to blush though.

"Thank you, Feliks...I'll...try not to do it anymore, okay? That sounds alright, right?"

The blond nodded a little and looked up at him, somewhat sadly but brushed it off and gave him a small smile. " _Tak_...” He let out a sigh. “But now I like, can't take out my lighter again... _cholera_  [shit]..."

"I won't do it again, I promise. You can keep playing with it..." He leaned against Feliks' shoulder and closed his eyes. "I'll be a good boy and not hurt myself...oh, wait..." Toris sat up suddenly, took out an old Swiss army knife from his breast pocket, and handed it to Feliks, whose eyes widened. He was surprised Toris had something like that on him! "If I'm going to keep good on my word...you'll need to keep that away from me..."

Feliks quickly put the pocketknife away. "Eh like, okay...you ttly sure you'll like, be alright ‘n’ stuff? I can prolly find something else to occupy myself besides the lighter..."

"No, it's fine...I'm more into...doing other things to hurt myself..." Toris looked at where Feliks stored the knife and sighed. He then resumed his place back on the blond's shoulder.

"...hm..." Poland glanced down at Toris' wrists with his eyes, thinking to himself and wondering exactly what it is he'd have to watch for from now on. "...mmkay..."

"Feliks...I said that I wouldn't hurt myself. You have my knife after all...that's the only knife I use to cut myself."

Poland looked away from the wrist and just watched blankly straight ahead, waiting for the train. "...that's not ttly true...I've like, seen people cut themselves with all kinds of things besides knives...there are numerous ways and people that want to do it find at least one..." He sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and knitted his eyebrows in a stressed manner.

"I'm not like other people though...I bought that knife to do a specific job. I wouldn't use a kitchen knife; I wouldn't want to defile something that's used to cook."

Toris looked down at his own wrist and traced a cut he had made a long time ago. Feliks opened his eyes and looked at where his friend was tracing. He gently picked up Toris' wrist and pulled the sleeve. He gave a soft kiss to the mark Lithuania had been tracing over so delicately. The strange behavior made Toris blink slowly and become slightly worried.

"Feliks? Are you...okay?" He took his hand back and pulled the sleeve over the cuts. The blond was a little surprised and more than a little disappointed by the action. He sighed and nodded.

" _Tak_...I'm like, fine. Don't worry..." He sat back up and stared at his hands in his lap silently.

Toris sighed and looked over to Feliks. He thought for a second on what he could do to try and help the situation. "Oh!" he exclaimed when he thought of it. He leaned over and kissed Feliks' cheek, causing the blond to blink his eyes a bit wider and blush in surprise. He placed a hand on his cheek and looked over at the brunet in curiosity.

"Sorry...if I surprised you...I didn't mean to..." Toris looked over to him and smiled slightly. "I just wanted to try and make it up to you..."

Feliks blushed a little darker and fidgeted a bit. He managed to smiled warmly though and he looked back at Toris. " _Dziękuję_..." He returned the favor by kissing Toris on the cheek, just barely closer to the lips than before.

"Y-you're welcome...I...I don't want you to have to worry about me hurting myself...I won't do it anymore, I promise."

"...if you're like, ttly sure...then I guess I kinda have to trust you on this..." He moved closer and hugged Toris' arms, just wanting to keep close to the brunet. He wasn't going to risk losing him this time. Toris stiffened slightly at the hug, but shook it off. He placed his hand, on the arm that Feliks was holding onto, on the blond's knee.

"Thank you for trusting me on it..."

Poland smiled a little, but he was still a bit concerned and suspicious. But he tried not to think about that for the time being. "Don't mention it...I like, really want to, just like we used to...back when it was a lot easier to understand one another...er...well, accept one another at least..."

"I know, Feliks...I want to make it all better and let it be like the way it was before...m-maybe even make it a little bit better...who knows..."

"I hope so...I mean, we were like, really close...best friends 'n' stuff,...but... He blushed slightly. "We were like, just little kids after all...I wonder what it'll be like now that we're like, older...well, technically I'm only 19, but it beats 13-17 that's for sure..."

Toris laughed and nodded. "Yeah, in appearance, but we're centuries old now...and yes, we're both nineteen...we're a little older this time and maybe we'll see the good in each other and be more mature about our...relationship..."

Feliks groaned. "Saying that makes us both sound like old geezers, how totally unfitting..." He blinked at the pause before "relationship". "...hm? Is like, ...something wrong? "

"Huh? What? No, nothing is wrong...I just...it's kind of hard to believe that we're really going to try and do this again..."

Poland tilted his head and blinked a few times. "...in like, a good ‘omg, this is unbelievable’ kinda way, or a not-so-good ‘omg, I can't believe we're gonna do this’ kinda way? "

"Um...t-the first one..." Toris smiled slightly and then it disappears just as fast as it came. "But I guess a little bit of the second one...b-but it's just me being nervous, that's all I swear!"

The Pole was slightly disappointed, but he was mostly expecting it. Didn't mean that it lessened the pain in his heart. "Like, yeah...I kinda figured it was something like that...um, well...that is..." He tried to think of how to clarify, but ended up confusing himself. He simply gave up and tried to change the subject. "...how much longer is it?"

"Oh, um...a-about five minutes I believe..." Lithuania looked down at the ground and closed his eyes. "I'm sorry that I disappointed you with what I said."

He looked up at the brunet and then looked away while blushing and slightly embarrassed. "...if you can like, tell how I feel so easily...how come you didn't know nearly anything I was thinking or feeling just an hour or so ago back in Bela's house? or...maybe you just like, weren't trying? "

Feliks thought for a moment, resting his cheek in his palm. He leaned forward on his knees, waiting for Toris to respond.

"It was because I wasn't trying and my anger blinded me...but now I am trying and I'm not angry anymore. I'm probably just the opposite. I feel...relieved in a way..." He shrugged and looked for the train as he continued. "I just don't want to rush this time like we had last time...well...we were forced to be together in the beginning, but we had come to actually love each other...I want that love again...but with time behind it."

"I wish it worked the other way around where it would make sense!" He pouted and then sighed. "But I like, understand...I'm glad you're trying..." He smiled as best he could then heard the train pull in and turned to see it.

"Looks like the train just pulled in..."

Toris stood up and stretched carefully before heading towards the doors of the train, and Feliks had followed suit. But before he ever got there, Toris stopped short and grabbed Feliks' hand. Just to make sure he didn't lose him. Yeah, that was it. Feliks blushed slightly at the contact, but managed a small smile and squeezed the hand lightly to assure the other that he wasn't going anywhere. Toris blushed as well, but shook it off and quickly and quietly boarded the train. Feliks avoided eye contact with everyone, but tried to make it too obvious.

They finally found seats near the back of the train, away from all the crowds, just for Feliks' sake. However, Feliks hesitated about where to sit before deciding to sit across from Toris so he wouldn't make the brunet feel uncomfortable or rushed.

"So like, how long do you think it'll take? Think we'll need to take a second train to get to Warsaw?"

"I hope not...we shouldn't be that far away from Warsaw. Maybe just a hundred miles or so I think...not that far considering Europe is so compact and all. If we had been near the northern border of Belarus, then my home would have been like less than a hundred miles away since Vilnius is so close..."

"Hm... _Tak,_  that's like, true...but my home and heart is a lot more central than Vilnius too...at least we're near the north-eastern border~" He shifted in his seat and leaned against the window, watching the sky with a calm fascination.

"It should have been on the sea boarder like Riga and Tallinn...but no, it's near the Lithuanian-Belorussian border...even close to your border would have made more sense since we were always so close and stuff...and married..."

Feliks blushed at the word "married" and all that followed. "Ah,  _tak_...and most of the population is like, Polish 'n' stuff...now that I think about it, that is a ttly funny place...but then again..." Feliks rested his cheek in his palm with his elbow propped up on the rim of the window as he watched people board the train. "Not really  **that**  surprising...given your (stubborn) infatuation with her..."

"Hey...my capital has been there ever since I can remember! Even before I knew of Belarus...well, technically it wasn't even Belarus' land at the time...it was Kieven Rus' land...hmm..." Toris looked out of the window and began to think of the past before alliances were ever made and it was a free-for-all.

Feliks sighed and directed his attention back to the sky as they finally began to move.

"True... but still, most capitals positions ‘n’ stuff change as a nation expands...or shrinks..." When no reply came, he looked up at Lithuania. He was curious about the brunet's expression. "...what are you thinking about, Liet?"

Toris blinked and looked up at Feliks, obviously not really paying him any mind. "Huh? What? Oh, what I was thinking...I was thinking of when we were first brought into the world as the nations of Lithuania and Poland...times were different..."

Poland tilted his head. "I wasn't Poland back then~ I was Lechia~" He blushed a little from the funny name. You never realize how silly something like that is funny until centuries after the fact. "For a short while at least before being the "Duchy of Warsaw", but technically I was already Poland by then anyway...” he sighed softly ‘The only name that's like, **really**  mine is Feliks...” He paused to shrug. “Oh well. At least I've managed to keep a nice one for a couple centuries~ Maybe it'll be the last..." He frowned then, thinking back on the time when he was new to the world and had left his family to build his own nation, just like all the others.

"Ah...hmm...let's see...I was...my ancestor was Baltia and before the commonwealth I was the Grand Duchy of Lithuania...and for a while I was the kingdom of Lithuania..." He took a moment to think of other names he was called, but couldn't think of any of them. " _Ne_ [no], I've always been  _Lietuva_ …ever since 1009...but Toris Laurinaitis has been my name since modern times...since the commonwealth. Yes, I believe that's right...But it's good that you've kept your namesake."

Feliks looked over to Lithuania in curiosity. "Toris isn't your original name? Didn't Baltia give you that name? Or was it like, some human that you knew?  I totally thought everyone only had one human name...hm... Then again, not like I've asked anyone else anywayz, so like, maybe I'm the weird one~"

_"Ne_ , you're not weird, Feliks!" Toris moved forward a little in his seat and held onto Poland's hand slightly. It caused the blond to blush and lean forward to meet him halfway. That however, made Toris pull away slightly, but he forced himself to lean a little bit forward again as to not offend the bond.

" _Tėvas_ [father] Baltia gave me the name...I was always Toris...but I was never called Laurinaitis until Jogaila. He was the one to give me my surname and was the first one since Baltia to call me by my real name. I’ve just always  _Lietuva_  to my previous bosses. None of them wanted to get too personal with me since I was still growing since so many of the tribes around us rose and fell..."

" _Nie_ , I'm weird~” He laughed. “I know I'm weird, but that's ttly okay! Cause ya know, weird is just another way to say IR-RE-PLACABLE~!" He flashed a victory smile and a thumbs up then laughed some more before he finally calmed down. "Still, I ttly know what you mean...Jadwiga was the first to call me Feliks and still one of the only ones to this day...most of them say  _Polska_ [Poland] or sometimes Polski or something like that. But, I'm not so close to most of 'em anywayz, so it doesn't really matter."

"I've only been close to a few of my bosses...King Mindaugas, Grand Duke Vytautas, Jogaila of course, and then Madam President Dalia...they meant the most to me...most of them were from old times, but it's obvious why...although the Romanov's were very kind people...but they were  **his**  boss..."

Feliks gripped Toris' hands tighter by accident when  **he**  was mentioned, but quickly fixed it. "...Hm... What do you like, think is ‘close’? In terms of your boss, how can you be ‘close’? I mean, I'm pretty close to all my people, but not that way... The only one I can remember being really close to is  _moja króla_  [my queen], Jadwiga~" He paused to sigh. "...and...well...maybe little Elizabeth...” He frowned. “If she'd lived long along to speak, I wonder heat she'd say? Would she be like her mother? Hm..."

"Um...w-well...what I consider close them treating me like a human...me being able to trust them and they return that trust. In this modern time...Dalia invites me to do things with her like go to family dinners..." He blushed a little then smiled warmly at fond memories. "She's one of the few bosses I've had in a long while I could connect too...wait...Elizabeth?"

Then all his happiness went away and he hung his head down. "I...I remember that day...w-when they had died...I-I'm sure she would have been just like Jadwiga...and you..."

Feliks blushed a tiny bit, surprised to hear the last part. " _Mnie_  [me]? Elizabeth, like me? Why do you like, say that? I-I mean, I know Jadwiga was like our mother, but I'm not  **actually**  related to any of them...humans and nations are like, worlds apart now a day..."

"But I'm sure you would have been with that child all day long if you could...I know we aren't related to any of the humans...but in a way they are like our children...every single person living in our country..."

"...I like ...guess that's pretty true...but like, me with a kid?" He laughed a little, half-halfheartedly. " _Nie_ , I could never take care of a kid. I'd be a totally horrible parent and they'd prolly get into all kinds of messes ‘n’ stuff...animals maybe, but a kid?" He quickly shook his head. "Not likely. Doubt I could manage to even keep one alive..." He leaned on the glass and coincidentally saw a mother and daughter near the tracks. The mother was helping her squirmy little girl put a coat on.

"But I would have been there to help you...I could have helped you raise her you know...she would have been special to me as well since she was also Jogaila's child." Toris smiled slightly. "But I'm sure you would be a good parent...you would just need a little...um...motivation?  _Ne_ , more like incentive... _ne_ , that's not it either! Um...you would need...help..."

Feliks blinked, a little confused. He wasn't sure if he should be flattered or offended. "...um...like, yeah...I guess... I still don't know I'd be a such parent though...I'm too reckless, I dunno how to devote myself to my child like that...it's kinda shameful and embarrassing, but...denying it and trying it would be totally dangerous..." He was saddened by the thought, but he tried not to show it.

Toris sighed and moved closer, sitting down next to Feliks thinking that he needed someone to comfort him since he looked miserable. He hugged him tightly and rested his head against Feliks' shoulder. Feliks blushed at the physical contact.

"You would make a great parent, you just need to grow up a little bit—and I don't mean it meanly or anything like that! I had just meant that you would need to decide if it would be something you would want...” He sighed. “You know that I didn't mean to insult you...I didn't mean it like that..."

"... _Tak_...I like, know that...but-..." Poland sighed and shook his head. He decided that this wasn't something worth to argue. "Ya know...you're so ttly smart...and such an awesome care-taker...I admire you so much..." Feliks smiled and rested his head against Toris' head. "...I really do...you'll be a perfect parent someday..."

Toris blushed and looked down at the ground. "Y-you're just saying that, Feliks...I would not be a good parent...I'm practically afraid of my own shadow...can you just imagine how I would be with a child? I would have a heart attack every time they hurt themselves!"

He giggled. "So, you'd be a little paranoid~ So? All you need is like, somebody more laid back by your side to keep you calm and balance you out, ya know? Somebody who won't worry as much but can still be helpful when they like, need to be... Somebody who knows how to make you feel something exactly when you should, ya know?" He smiled and chucked a little. "You'd be a perfect  _Tato_  [dad], you'd just need a perfect _Mamo_  [mom]..."

Toris gulped slightly and diverted his eyes back and forth, afraid of what he was going to say next. "L-like you, F-Feliks? Y-you basically described how we were back in the commonwealth..." He blushed a little at the idea of them having kids, finding it unbelievable at this point in their renewed relationship. Feliks' eyes widened with realization then looked over to Toris as he spoke, blushing at the thought as well. "Back then...and maybe even to this day...y-you'd be a perfect  _mama_  [mom] if I was the  _tėtis_  [dad]..."

"...you...you like, think so?" He turned away and smiled. He placed a hand to his heart. "...maybe we like, ...just need one another then...well, I know I need you...but, what I haven't figured out yet..." he turned back to Lithuania, "...is if you really need me..."

Toris knitted his eyebrows as he thought about the off-handed question. "I do think so...t-that you would be a good  _mama_ and all that I had said earlier...but...I don't know yet if I need you the way...you need me...n-not yet at least! I-I could change my mind once I spend more time with you..."

Feliks sighed. "...the way you say that...it's like you know that you  **will**  love me eventually but you don't yet...I don't understand...how can you predict that you'll love me?" He tilted his head. "Unless you make yourself feel something..."

" _N-ne_ , I won't force myself to love you...but...t-this kind of confusion and haze is... familiar. It's kind of the same feeling I had right before I realized that I loved you the first time...so I'm just basing this off of past experiences... A-and I do like you, I really do...even through all those years...it was just clouded with other's opinions...but now I can see clearly and I see a beautiful man sitting beside me..." He blushed and turned to look at Feliks shyly.

Poland blushed and stared back, feeling his heart beat faster at his lover's words.

"...o-oh...um..." He paused to think. "...it's like, still really confusing...I don't know what I'm waiting for...if you already lo-...eheh...-like me...but...I guess that when you let your guard down...and I can have your heart in exchange for mine...then I'll be happy... Funny saying, huh? Cause if you like, think about it...that would mean that until I have yours, I don't have one at all...hm...how funny~"

That only made the Lithuanian feel guilty. "I'm sorry, Feliks...I really am..." He looked at Feliks and then held his hand gingerly as if it were made of glass. "I don't mean to cause you pain...I really don't...but I guess...when you love someone who's damaged you can't help but damage others too..."

Toris kissed Poland's hand gently then looked back up with a small smiled. "I'll get the hang of it though...o-of letting my guard down around you again..."

Feliks looked into Toris' eyes, blushing lightly at the tender touch; it felt so good to him after so long. "...I-... _d-dziękuje_... _moja miłość_  [my love]...but I don't want you to try to love me... I just want...I just want you to wait until it happens...if you love me, really actually love me as much as I love you...then just wait until it happens...if you try to speed it up how will I ever know if it's real?"

Lithuania blushed when he had said ‘ _moja miłiść_ ,’ but nodded slowly and then sighed. "I will wait until I feel that it's the right time. Slowly but surely, right?" He let out a small laugh then slowly began to rub a thumb across the back of Feliks' hand. "I won't force it, okay?"

Feliks felt calmer a soothed by the Lithuanian's gesture. He held up the hand and kissed it lightly. "... _dziękuje_...I-I just like, hope it's not  **too** slowly...heheheh...but even if it is, don't worry. Don't rush...I can wait..."

He leaned up against the brunet who smiled slightly. He cautiously placed a small kiss on top of the other's blond crown.

"I hope so too...I want to love you again like I use to...but it will take a while..." Toris sighed and then leaned up against Feliks. The blond blushed lightly, but smiled anyways. "But when I do finally come to my senses, we'll be happy forever and a day..."

"...you really believe that? That we can be happy? Despite your ‘logical view on life’~?" Poland chuckled a little, trying to not be offensive in any way.

"Well...hopefully... Even I can wish for happiness, right? I've had so much bad news and experiences that I should be granted just a little sliver of hope at being happy...They would have wanted it to be like this...we need to think of them as well..." Toris smiled a little and thought of Jadwiga and Jogaila, how happy they were when the two countries got along and loved each other. Poland nodded.

" _Tak_...but even if it would make them happy, that has nothing to do with us being together...does it?" He shifted closer to whisper to the brunet. "It has to be for us...they won't be happy if we aren't, will they?" Feliks quickly kissed his cheek. Toris blushed at him being so close and nods slowly, understanding where Feliks was coming from.

" _Ne_ , I guess they wouldn't...but they would be happy that we're at least trying, right?"

_"Tak,_  they would...and that is important...but..." The Pole sighed and sat up, shifting so he could lay his head on Toris' lap for a while. It caused Toris to blush terrible, and he found it hard to listen to Feliks speak. "...but even if it didn't, I'd still try...right now, you probably care most about how happy they would be, and I think it's important too...but like… When you can say that you want to do this for selfish reasons, for the happiness that it would bring  **you**...then I'll know that you love me..." He smiled a little.

Toris finally managed to calm down after the initial shock and then after a moment or two, realized what Feliks had meant. "O-oh..." He shifted a little and looked down at the blond. "You know that I'm not a very selfish person though...I usually...don't act like that..."

Poland just giggled. "Love is totally funny that way~ Its selfish and selfless all in one~ But it's okay to be a little selfish..." He placed a hand on Toris' cheek, cautiously as to not freak him out too much. "Sometimes you need to be...sometimes you need it to survive...b-but there are better reasons too. Sometimes you have to be selfish in order to be selfless. Think of yourself to make someone that loves you happy, ya know? Heheh, guess that like, makes no sense..."

Lithuania hesitantly placed a hand over the one Feliks had on his cheek and rubbed against it a little. "Love is funny...and complicated...but it makes people...it makes  **you**  happy... Be a little selfish, huh... I'll try...but I won't force myself to! I won't force anything..."

Feliks laughed a little. "You're like, trying so hard to make me happy, aren't you? " He rubbed Toris' cheek fondly with his thumb. "I'm sorry...I like, don't wanna put so much pressure on you...if it's not worth it, then don't do it...it's nothing unless you're happy,  _tak_?"

Toris thought about it for a while then hung his head low and nodded. " _T-tak_..."

Feliks looked up and retreated his hand."...what's like ...the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, you didn't say anything wrong...I'm just trying to figure things out..."

"...o-...kay..."

Poland sat up straight and continued to watch out the window, mentally praying that he didn't screw everything up by saying that. He couldn't even look in the brunet's direction. He was too afraid that he would decide to do it after all and end the last bit of hope he had left. Clutching the material over his heart, he turned away so that Toris couldn't see him and decide to continue out of pity.

Meanwhile, Toris rested his chin his palm and leaned against the armrest of the seat. There were a million things going through his head. But at the same time, it was like nothing at all. It was too much to process right now. He finally sighed and looked over to Feliks, his mind finally made up. Somewhat at least.

"Feliks...could you please turn and face me?"

The blond jolted a little, staying silent for a moment before turning to face the other. He still clung restlessly to his last and only hope.

"... _tak_?"

Toris leaned forward and cupped Feliks' cheeks. He kissed the blond gently, then pulled away a few seconds later, blushing and smiling slightly. Feliks stared for a few moments then smiled in relief. He moved and hugged Toris tightly, who hugged back just as tightly.

"Well...I know that I do like kissing you...small little start, right?"

" _T-Tak_... _Dziękuje_..."

" _Proszę bardzo_  [you're welcome]."

Feliks kissed Toris' cheek and held onto him tightly so as not to risk losing him this time. "...I love you...I really do...that's why I gave you the option to leave...but...I'm so happy you didn't..."

"I know...I know you love me. I won't leave you...not again..." Toris nuzzled Feliks' shoulder and sighed happily. Feliks smiled brightly and buried his face in Toris' brown hair, enjoying the soft feel and comforting scent. After a while, Toris patted Feliks' head comfortingly and kissed his shoulder. "And I did mean that. I'm not going to leave you..."

"Thank you...that's like...so good to know..." Feliks rubbed the side of his head against Toris' neck lightly, causing Toris to laugh slightly.

"That tickles, Feliks...but it feels nice at the same time..."

"Hm~?" Feliks did it again to see his reaction. Toris giggled more and held onto Feliks tighter.

"S-stop it!"

"But it's like, so cute!" He repeated action, still nuzzling the spot.

Lithuania giggled louder and then finally pulled away from Feliks. He slapped at his neck to get rid of the tickling feeling. Feliks couldn't help but laugh at the brunet's reaction and kissed his cheek one more time before going back looking at the sky.

"...hmm~..."

Toris looked over to Feliks and smiled a little. He sat back down and leaned against the blond. "What are you thinking about, Feliks?"

The blond smiled at his interest and looked over. "Flying~ Have you ever tried it? It’s fun! Even in an airplane, you have this unbelievable freedom that's like, impossible to get when you're stuck down here~ " he sighed “Well, not a normal plane... Flying your own, I mean~"

"Oh...flying...hmm...I'd rather not be on airplanes...they make me somewhat uneasy...but I guess that flying would be a lot of freedom to some...I guess it would be nice to do that then...just soaring through the sky like a bird, happy and free."

Poland nodded. "...airplanes I like, ...have a small problem with too...just cause last year's incident was like, so sudden...but being an aviator was like, amazing! I felt like a real phoenix, flying through the sky like that! My air force is like, ttly something worth bragging about, they're awesome! Heheh~!"

Toris just smiled at how happy Feliks looked while he was talking, but noted the sudden change when Feliks had mentioned an incident. He became confused. "What...what had happened last year?"

His smile and enthusiasm faded a bit, becoming solemn. "...um...j-just like, an accident...one of our airlines...a plane crash landed in Russia, and…well...w-we lost a lot of people...and our president was one of 'em..."

"O-oh...I...I'm sorry I asked..." Toris felt bad now. He had to go and ask and take away Feliks' happiness so fast. He felt responsible for it. So, Toris hugged Feliks tightly and stroked his hair. Feliks blushed a bit and hugged him back, smiling at the gesture.

"D _ziękuję_... but it's like, okay now...it was a while ago, things have moved on since then...so, now worries,  _tak_? "

_"T-tak_..." But he didn't let go, and Feliks only hugged tighter. "But still...I should have known about it...something like that would have been covered by Lithuanian news stations...even if my people don't like your country..."

"It's like, okay...I'm sure you had a lot to deal with on your own...and with the way you like, have yourself closed up like this, it's not a surprise...I can understand it, sometimes it's ttly easy to lose track of the rest of the world, ya know? "

"Hm..." He rested his head on Feliks' shoulder and sighed. "I guess so...but it's still...naïve of me...to not know what was happening around my neighboring countries..."

Feliks gave Toris' head a small kiss and smiled. "It's okay...there was like, a time when I missed out on a good year or two of events, ya know? I was stuck in recovery after all the war trauma ‘n’ stuff and it took forever for me to even realize what was going on around me...er, well, part of that is due to temporary amnesia, but I meant afterward!"

"Ah..." Lithuania kissed Poland's shoulder and then sat up again. "I can relate I guess...but only when it was in the early 90's...I had no excuse in recent times...besides my own stubbornness and not wanting to hear anything about the world again..."

Poland tilted his head then thought for a moment. Should he ask or not...?

"...Liet? "

"Y-yes? D-did I say something wrong?" Feliks shook his head.

" _N-nie_...I just, um...hm... Never mind...it's like, not important anymore, I should just leave it before we start fighting again..."

"No, what were you going to say? I want to know now...please tell me? I promise I won't get mad."

"..kay...just like, know I'm only asking out of curiosity..." Feliks gulped slightly and looked up. "...why didn't you come visit? In the hospital after everything was like, over 'n' stuff... Did something stop you?" He looked at Toris, having been secretly a bit hurt by this realization once he found out for a while now.

"Oh...you mean like after WWII? I...had been taken by the Soviets at that time...with unauthorized establishments and forced Sovietlization ..." Lithuania sighed and shook his head at the memories trying to claw their way back. "So, the Communist Party prevented me from seeing you."

He sighed in relief. "Thank  _Boże_ …that's like, the only reason..."

"B-but that's n-not all I guess...I...I was still a little mad at you for what had happened before the war had started, but I would have gone to seen you if I had known where you were...Things like that were kept from me so I wouldn't...want to runaway..."

"...o-oh...so...even if you like, were still mad...would you have come?" He looked hopeful, knowing that a grudge had still been a part of the cause.

"Y-yeah...j-just to see if you were still alive and well...I don't think I could have brought myself to talk to you though...but at least I would have been there, and that's all that should matter, right?"

He nodded. "...I like, probably wouldn't have remembered you anywayz...so maybe it was a good thing you didn't come, or it could've hurt you..."

"I wouldn't have wanted to see you like that...so lost and confused...and broken..."

Feliks had stated to stare out of the window, deep in thought. He was only partially listening to the words but still got a clear picture. Suddenly, they went through a tunnel, causing everything to go dark, the glass was illuminated from the lights inside and Feliks saw his reflection in the glass. It changed to become distorted and within a second, it was back to normal. But it was too late, Feliks had seen a flash of what he saw in the hospital's mirror making him jump back in shock.

"AH-!"

Toris, who had been watching the blond, was taken aback when he jumped and screamed, and instantly went to comfort him. "F-Feliks? Are you alright? What happened?"

Feliks stared wide-eyed at the window, pale in the face. He took heavy breaths and then tried to shake it off. He shivered in fear at the memories and clung to the brunet without even noticing how he was holding onto. Toris patted Feliks' back and kissed his head.

"It's okay, Feliks...whatever you saw...whatever it is...it's not real...I'm here and you're here...we're both safe and sound on a train going back home, okay?"

Poland shook violently at the thoughts and tightened his hold a bit. He was scared to let go and plunge back into a world of endless night and constant death.

_"Dlaczego oni nie wyjdą z mojej głowy_ [why can't I get them out of my head]?"

"Feliks...Feliks, please stop shaking...Everything will be alright...okay?" Toris kissed his friend's cheek and held onto him tightly. He had seen this too many times with his younger siblings and even Russia. "You're just fine right here with me, aren't you? The things in your head aren't real...they can't hurt you..."

The shivering slowly decreased and his breathing slowed a bit once he was able to identify the brunet's voice. However, his grip didn't loosen nor did he open his eyes. Toris sighed and ran his fingers through his blond hair, hoping that he would feel better soon.

"Feliks...please I don't want you to be afraid...Whatever it is...I'll protect you... _m-mano...m-meilė_  [my love]..."

Feliks looked up at Toris, calming down a little after hearing the comforting words. He hugged the Lithuanian tightly and buried his face against Toris' shoulder, trying to catch his breath as he talked. "... _p-...przyko..mi..._."

"Sorry for what, Feliks? You have nothing to be sorry for..." He kissed his head and stroked his back gently.

"S-sorry...for putting this pressure on you...sorry th-that this...keeps happening...sorry to make you be my comfort...every time..." He looked down, avoiding eye contact with Toris.

"Oh...that...it's no problem, Feliks...I'm sure that you would do the same for me...right? I really don't mind having to do this for you because I know it'll just bring us closer, yeah?"

"You think so? sharing our fears and traumatizing memories? You like, think that would bring us closer? ...Hm..."

"Well...it'll help us open up to each other, right? That's what I had thought at least..."

Poland smiled and crawled over closer to him. He had Toris' back against the outer arm of the seat and Feliks snuggled up comfortably under his arm and outside of his legs, resting his head on Toris shoulder. "Okay..."

Toris smiled slightly with how they are laying, finding it oddly comforting and protective. He wrapped an arm around Feliks' waist and rests head on top of his head. "So it seems like a good idea to you then?"

"To open up to each other? _Tak_...but I like, have to warn you, there are things about what happened back there that I can't bear to tell anybody...especially you...I love you too much, I'd never want you to know such immeasurable pain..."

"That's sweet of you, but I want to know...you don't have to tell me now, but when you're ready...and I'll do the same...but there are things that happened in that house that shouldn't be spoken about..." He shuddered violently at the thought, which caused Feliks to look up in concern.

" _Nie_ , you don't understand Liet! I-It was...th-they were... Th-the fact that I can't die, it means I survived what I shouldn't have! All of it, every burn, break, or bruise! The things that happened there, things that are even too dangerous to think about...things so surreal that people deny it ever happened! I don't want you to know...I don't want to give you the horrifying visions of what I remember...please, don't make me tell you..."

Lithuania looked a little frightened with how Feliks had reacted, but nonetheless, nodded. "Okay...if you don't want to tell me, I'll respect your wishes... I won't ask you to tell me what happened in the...in the concentration camps, but I want to hear about everything else, fair enough?"

Feliks tilted his head up. "Everything else? what do you like, mean by everything else? You mean everything that's happened over the years, or...?"

"Well...not specific things I guess...but your likes and dislikes...fears...things that I can help you overcome...o-or does that sound too cheesy to say?"

Feliks smiled and shook his head. " _Nie_...I like it~ You're like, totally right. We should start learning more about each other, maybe this'll like, help us keep from fighting again..." He got back into his previous position, resting his head on the brunet's shoulder.

"Yeah...cause I'm sure that there's a lot of things I don't know about you...so much has changed since we were last together...like you liking fire...I didn't know that..."

Poland blushed. "...Eheheh...th-that's like, just a little something I developed after the period of battles ‘n’ wars ‘n’ stuff, ya know? I guess the adrenalin rush got to me and...well...I dunno...fire seems so ttly like, free ya know? So wild and untamable~ Plus it matches the whole Phoenix thing~...you'd think after all the fire-related casualties that I'd be afraid of it, but...it's so beautiful...and strong~"

"I guess that makes sense with you being you...it's nice to know things like that...it makes me feel like a part of your life even though I wasn't there for a good chunk of it...Fire can be beautiful and strong, but like you know all too well by now I'm sure...it can also destroy..."

"You're a huge part of my life...even if you like, had no idea that you were for some time, I never forgot about you...But... _Tak_...fire can be dangerous...but this is what happens when man tries to harness something that isn't theirs..." He sighed a bit.

Toris couldn't help but smile knowing that Feliks never forgot about him, but the feeling didn't last. He hadn't done the same, and now he felt guilty. "Well...thank you anyways for keeping me so near your heart..." He kissed Feliks’ cheek and then rested his chin on Feliks' head. "And yes, it's what happens when humans are careless..."

The Pole nodded a little, with what little movement he could manage with the brunet on his head. " _Tak_...and even now, they haven't learned a thing...humans are like, so difficult sometimes...I miss the days when we were closer with our people...when everybody knew us by face...when you and I were happy..."

"Those days seem so long ago though...but now everything is so different...except for us...we're stuck in the past, aren't we?"

Feliks smiled and nodded. "...but that's okay...if we have to be stuck in the past, at least we think of times when we were like, happier...sometimes I think that if I like, had the chance to go back and change everything after that...I wouldn't hesitate..."

"I would want to change everything too...we would have never tried to fight Russia...and we would still be a Commonwealth and we would...still be together like we use to be..."

Poland hugged Lithuania sideways around the torso. "Maybe we still can~ If you like, love me then it's possible..." He blushed. "A-ah, I mean like, m-maybe not marriage again b-but...um...ya know..."

"Being together with you, right? Like we use to be...like how we were always so comfortable around each other and happy..." Toris sighed in nostalgia. "That...that would be nice..."

"I think we could...it like, won't be easy but it's possible... Stranger things have happened~" He smiled and shyly kissed Toris' cheek.

"Yeah...I guess that's true...” He sighed. “If only things were as easy as they were when we were younger...then we wouldn't have to worry about sneaking around trying to see each other..."

"Mhm...but it's like, also kinda fun~ ...Eh...well, ya know,...not  **fun**  fun...but...um...kinda romantic~" He blushed more and smiled up at Toris.

"Maybe...it could be romantic..." He returned the smile and hugged back finally.

Feliks smiled more, his cheeks turning pink from the embrace. " _Tak_ ~...it's like ...um...what's it called again? Feli totally told me about this thing where-...OH YEAH~! It's like ‘Romeo and Juliet’! Only we like, ya know, won't die~"

Toris smiled and then began to play with Feliks' hair absentmindedly. "Oh, isn't it something like...'Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes a pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life...' That Romeo and Juliet?"

Feliks looked up and stared in awe as Toris recited it. "...WOW, Liet! That was, like, so ttly amazing! And the way you said it, you should be like, a professional speaker or narrator or actor or something~ That was ttly amazing!" He had gone starry-eyed at the romantic verses.

Toris flushed. "I-it wasn't that amazing, Feliks...b-but if you liked it, I'm glad then." He kissed Feliks' head and sighed happily. The blond snuggled up closer, taking full advantage of the opportunity. "It's just something you memorize when it's one of the only English books in Russia's house..."

"It was like, so romantic~! See, when a tutor tried to read it to me, I ttly thought I was gonna die of boredom! But the passion in your voice when you read that was like- Feliks nearly squealed. “I could totallt listen to that forever and a day! And that's just the narration, I bet the dialogue would be totally epic~ "

"Well, not to correct you or anything...I didn't read it...I recited it, but either I could see how you would like me saying it. Shakespeare is hard to comprehend at times..." Feliks huffed at Toris being nitpicky. "Hey, I got an idea: I could recite it for you to make the train ride go by faster!"

But Feliks did perk up when he offers to recite more. "UWAH~! Like, really? That would be, like, so ttly cool! You sure you can like, remember all that? Off the top of your head ‘n’ stuff?"

"I can remember most of it, yes. And I'm sure it would make you incredibly happy to listen to it." Toris smiled and nuzzled Feliks' hair. Feliks beamed and got cozy in his spot, snuggling up under Toris' arm that was draped over his waist. He was ready to listen intently to every word and picture the story.

Toris smiled a little, happy that they were getting along better. He started to recite the first act of the play, somewhat slowly so he could remember it all and make sure Feliks could get all he needed in order to paint a vivid picture in his mind without seeing it acted out. Feliks smiled and listened closely. He didn't even close his eyes because it was too interesting to watch Toris' expressions as he speaks. He listens to every word, trying to make some sense out of anything he doesn't get at first by hearing the next part.


End file.
